I trust you, Gomu [God of my understanding]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JU_q3sdgII
"I will learn to love again."

I have found myself asking "Why?!"
I have found myself wondering if there will ever be a day when I don't have to be heartbroken.
But something I've started to realize is that for whatever reason, this is my life, right now and I feel like I am going to spend a whole lot of time trying not to be heartbroken and then look back and see that I was too busy with that to really live.

I like to learn from my mistakes and a lot of times if I keep doing this same thing and getting the same results that I'm not really to fond of...well, I will stop doing it and try something new. But this is different...I am not going to try and stop from being heartbroken - it's easy to say to take risks and be open even if you get hurt. All I know, is that when I get knocked down...I don't want to only get up and keep living...I want to get up and keep thriving. Because that's what I want ~ I don't want to walk through this life closing all my doors and with a heavy heart all the time. Maybe all the heart ache inside of me will never go away completely - not in this life and I know there will probably still be days where I bawl my eyes out. We all have bad days. But, I want to put my faith in this pure, empowering love that exists in me and exists in others.
"We're all scared, but that's not a reason to run away." It's not a reason to run away from other people, myself or what truly matters to me...what I truly love.

Let if flow, let it go. I believe that as I begin to cultivate trust with my Gomu [God of my understanding <3], that whether it's rain or shine...I'm going to get better and better at riding those waves. Because life is a lot like surfing.
"Life is a lot like surfing because if you get caught in the impact zone you've got to get back up because you never know what may be over the next wave." -Soul Surfer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOzH1ycoBYQ&sns=fb

This video link I just posted is a video called "Buddha Had Bad Days." It is a very synchronous video for many different reasons. But it stood out immediately to me because I had just finished watching Soul Surfer with mom. 

It poses the idea that the pain, the "hardships" are the very catalysts for where I am now...just like catching a big wave. It's not about stopping the waves from coming but learning to ride them. 

To be completely honest...You wanna know a big reason why I don't want to stay stuck in heartbreak...Why I am open to forgiving others and myself...why I want to keep believing in those things that matter to me and trust?

Because life is so freaking fantastic!! I don't want to miss out. Hahaha! It's like someone telling me I need to clean up my room before I can go out and play...Well, I am willing to do that. And as I start cleaning up my room...it just so happens that I benefit from that, as well. Just like forgiving and keeping my heart open to release or sometimes to FEEL the pain! 

This girl just doesn't want to give up, I'm having too much fun here. 

Once before, when I was younger, I sensed this as a truth and so I decided I was "never going to give up." But that became an identity, "The girl who never gives up." 

The problem with something like that is that it is inflexible to growth and usually gets busted from the pressure.
It's not that I never have thought of calling it quits, in many different ways and situations. And I HAVE given up, closed up shop or closed my heart before. I'll be the first one to tell you that anything is possible. That's why unconditional Love is so rad. 

No telling what might happen, but in this moment now 

I'm thankful to be here and I choose to trust. 

Ellie