A Courageous Flight

I experienced my lowest low in 2011. I lost all hope & I had always believed that, that would be the day I lost everything. But what I lost was the chains which bound me. And today, three year later, I never would have guessed that life could be this wonderful. I never would have guessed I would love again, I would laugh & smile again...I would NEVER guess that I would recover & use what happened as a means for me not just to survive but to thrive. 
And yet, here I am.  
Believe in that heart, it matters not the struggle, there can always be restoration from even the most broken heart.
You. Are. Never. Too. Late. Start exactly where you are. <3

That one moment in the middle of 2011, I had no idea where my journey would take me.
Death was only the beginning, for as the old me died...the new stood at the wide-open, front door and breathed in the sunlight. "I want to actually enjoy my life. Why can't I?" And everything in me...listened.
From that place, I continued. I wanted more time to enjoy all that life was & I realized all it took was a shift in perception.

The next wave hit when the pain came back. Heartbreak, havoc - the storms were pounding again! It didn't take long for me to see that I couldn't consciously stop it from coming. So, I took a different approach...I filled my heart with compassion for the pain. "Integration, not suppression."

Out of the darkness, I stood. I have been transformed & I now I can fly! Because this darkness has made me stronger, it has made me brave. I let fear fall off of my shoulders like tumbling drapes & reveal my nakedness...my strength.
I am not just a lover but a courageous lover. For I have fallen in love with this life and I will fight, I will surrender...I can walk into the fire and not get burned. 

"I am the Creator of my own reality both consciously & subconsciously" has freed me. I have touched the face of my own power....once again. I had wondered where Source fit into that idea...What I was told was this, "You are thinking of Source as a being which is separate from you."

How can help but think my doubtful thoughts? I had wondered. "It's really more that you begin to see life as this delicious buffet and so you are only interested in paying attention to that which you love, enjoy & can have fun with. So from focusing on what you don't want to get what you do want to focusing on what you do want & getting what you want in that very moment just by focusing on it."
It took a lot of compassion to get here...And looking at myself in the mirror and saying out loud that I am my own friend. That I will face whatever comes with love & respect & the best of my abilities for this precious being that, I am.

I am not going to put myself down, anymore. I am incredibly courageous! I have strength that withstands any storm. There is no reason for me to put myself down over mistakes. I make room for huge mistakes! I set the intention that I see the lesson in each one and that each one awakens me to Source within & within out.

This life is so, so beautiful...so delicious. I want to savor each bite, not hurry through the meal and forget what it even was in the next moment. I don't want to spend my life worrying about what might be but rather celebrating what is and what can be. There's no room for suppression, I allow myself to feel what I feel & I integrate it.

I remember this dream I had about a prisoner. He had always been a slave...he knew nothing else & he didn't question it. One day he had a friend come along who saw the beauty in him and decided he would take him away as his own slave so he would be safe from his cruel slave master.
But, as his friend treated him different than a slave...he began to feel like he wasn't one and began interacting with his friend as though he were on the same level. One day, they got into a heated argument and it made his friend so mad that him punished him like would be expected if he normally treated him as a slave.
This broke the slave's spirit and he released himself to the pain both physically and emotionally. His friend began to feel bad about what was going on & didn't know what to do. He went back to the slave master to find out if there was any way to legally free a slave.
The slave master gave him a cool grin, "All a slave has to do to be free is to say they are free and free themselves. Then, legally, they are free forever."
Of course, none of the slave's knew this and most of them never tried to escape out of fear.
~
The dream cuts over to the next scene. The friend is in the room with his slave friend who is chained up in frightening gear & in a lot of pain...not really awake. The friend begins to play Tool - Schism...& the song seeps into the subconscious of the slave & somehow he knows that his friend was encouraging him to fight.
He envisions his old slave master, he can hear his voice telling him he is worthless. In the past, he always felt fear but this time he shoved the image of his old slave master out of the window. "No!"
Light burst forth from his heart, through the pain he began to shake against the prison he was in. With strength he didn't know he had, he ripped himself free & as his friend pretended to sleep...he escaped his old life.
It didn't matter if the law said he was or wasn't free, anymore. In his heart, he was a free man. No one could change that.


It's a brand new time, for me. I found a brand new kind of free.
The flames are no longer burnin' me, nope, because the flame is now my heart...burning with love and lighting up all of who I am.
I think the change really happened in me when I realized that I can trust myself.
Most recently, I really felt it when I was crying my eyes out...I almost felt overcome by the grief I felt in my heart.  I thought, "There is no way this can be happening." Then I stopped and said, "No...what I need right now is my courage, my faith."
It comes to the point where I just don't want to do that dance, anymore. I am through letting my heart break and not being there for myself. I will feel my pain but I am not a victim & so I won't wear that as my truth, anymore. I will not wear the truth that I am unwanted, unworthy, or that I wasn't enough to DESERVE to have a happy, healthy life...That I somehow deserved going through what I did. Or that life simply doesn't care and all there is cruelness. Which is so not true...I've experienced such love, compassion, friendship, understanding that it blows my mind. From others, from myself, from Source. & when I put a little bit of faith in that, it seems I can walk through the fire without getting burned.

& Here are some songs to inspire!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRZIMxVZNos Alicia Keys - Brand New Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZw2CB_Ir_w Alicia Keys - This Girl's on Fire

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Jyi5WGPBFo&list=LL1GJwBnio8HmS8i2j2m1bkg Baek Ji Young ~ That Woman

& the reason for this last song is because it's this feeling of being inlove that I cherish ~ I invite in more...because we are worth it all.
Really, so much joy has come from the surrender, as well. Releasing my fears, my worries. Just accepting where I am with compassion & relaxing into my life. We don't have to struggle to thrive. Life flows naturally...find that flow, move with it, dance with it - sing with the birds!

Just breathe, take in this moment...drink it all in...feel your body...Here we are! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsgP8LkEopM&list=LL1GJwBnio8HmS8i2j2m1bkg Nahko Bear -Aloha Ke Akua

Nemaste, the divine in me bows to the divine in you!!!

Ellie aka Wild Fyeah