May my heart remain Open

So today, when I woke up - I asked for blockages to be released...especially around the throat chakra and immediatly, all the relationships in my life which were unhealthy blockages - appeared with the blockages. From uncomfortable luncheon's to unwanted phone calls. Mom even mentioned how surreal the day felt and I saw that Saturn was orbiting very close to the Earth.
I chose not to struggle with the struggle but instead use it as the jumping board for my growth. I wanted to test the new theory that the contraction we experience - the pain, is literally growing/birthing pains. That this contraction was a build up of intense energy to help facilitate a birth of some sort.
There is a practice called ecstatic birth where the mother understands the rhythms of her body well enough to flow with the contractions and instead of feeling intense pain, she feels intense...ecstasy or bliss.
I wanted to test the theory that if we can flow with the contractions or our pain, we may to experience ecstasy during our birthing process. So as our new self is reborn, we are surrounded by love.
I took a warm bath, and submerged in the water...just like the women her birth naturally - I really became in touch with all of my feelings within my body. I didn't hide away from it but brought my attention - the light of awareness, to it.
I felt all my chakra's connecting in a new one, new pathways opening. Once I stop the uncomfortable feelings were still there so I moved with the energy once again. I kept my mind focused on the intention. Something interesting happened as I was in that water...I remembered that in my morning meditation I had called in my Shadow Self along with my Light Body self. I wondered if this was an integration of more of my Self. I saw that pain brought you into your body. If you're feeling pain it's hard to be "somewhere else". I think we may even crave pain sometimes to really feel IN our body. The body likes to actually FEEL our intense emotions, so if we flow with it and our present with it, I think that is possibility of how it could turn to Bliss.
Anyway, I remembered my Shadow Self and I called upon my that aspect of myself...That aspect of myself appeared above me and I felt nothing but love...I used to always feel like my Shadow Self felt misunderstood by me and left out. My Shadow Self wanted nothing more from me...My Shadow Self felt totally accepted and respected the path I am on.
I felt how it was safe to be all that I am, in this place. Music began to play that sounded like celestial voices...I felt my being rising with these sounds...I remembered that intensity doesn't have to be painful...it doesn't have to feel like you are enduring...It can feel like you are flying. But I didn't force myself to stop feeling pain. I allowed this joyous vibration to pass through me...I didn't hold onto...I just watched it. And in my mind's eye...I saw a glowing golden orb...it shined as if it were under water. It was at peace and so was I. I didn't reach out for it and it came closer to me, revealed that it was a translucent globe.
I thought of Kiye and how he never made me feel like he was going to take anything from me...He gave and his need was fulfilled but he would never take from me without me sharing in the giving...I thought of the Celestine Prophecy and how they spoke on us all becoming our own power houses of energy and that we would give without needing to take power from others. But the best part is that we would both be giving and receiving to one another without energy vamping either of each other. Two whole's coming together...
It all begins with holding an intention...Bravely following through.
I can connect to a never ending energy which fully enlivens me? Source? I am already connected - so is it opening the blockages which hold back this Source energy?
May my heart remain open
May I be at peace
May I awaken to the light of my own true nature
May I be healed
May I be a source of healing for all life.