Looks like Being True is visting me, agian. I am interested in living a *magical* life in many different ways. But, I would like to experience things in this reality where I don't become super ungrounded and unaware of what I'm truly doing.
First step; get in touch with my breath - the more aware I am of me being the center of my life - the more grounded I will be.
Connection with others is still important - I won't be swayed by others if I am very grounded.
The more grounded I am, the more I can hear the guidance of *the still small voice*
Saturday, December 28, 2013
I Was Born For This.
As 2013 comes to a close, I am working through a lot of loose ends...letting go of the final remnants of my old skin. Some of that has to do with relationships. I have one particular relationship which is shifting...In ways I can't quite imagine yet. This is a relationship which has always made me feel like....I'm living in a state of eternal sunshine. I remember before him...I was in a very dark, lonely place. He opened the blinds in the rooms of my heart and let the sunlight in. I danced with him and remembered why I loved to smile and laugh. He has been my inspiration for the passed 7 years.
Now, our relationship is shifting & I don't know what it means. I still believe he'll be in my life but the way it will shift will more than likely ask me to face that same darkness I stepped out of when you arrived in my life. There is a feeling born from loneliness, it's different from hopelessness. It feels like you're slowly disappearing, evaporating.
For the first time, I want to go into the storm. Not to wallow in it, not to conquer it. But to listen to it. I want to listen to my heart - the storm. The joy that we shared was born from true love - the truest I've ever known and probably isn't something must humans ever experience. To hold onto the joy from a place of lack and fear...well, it wouldn't be honoring where that joy came from & eventually the flower would die from being plucked.
When I returned to being fully grounded in 2011 - I made the decision to embrace joy fully into my life and live my life to the fullest. If something didn't feel comfy to me, then I didn't have to walk in that direction. Sure, I may *technically* do what was making me feel uncomfortable but I'd shift my perspective about it where I still felt in blissful alignment with myself. I knew that bliss was an indication that I was allowing myself to unfold.
Okay, but sometimes in the hustle and bustle of life - I don't always allow myself to settle down and shift. Sometimes, I forgot that I am unconditionally loved and supported and I dream a dream of loneliness...despair.
2013 has been a year of great discovery. Many material things have been accomplished - new experience gained. And I felt the worst emotional pain I've ever felt in my entire life. I didn't run from the pain, to be honest, I really couldn't even if I wanted to. My brother didn't want a relationship with me and basically *all* of my other closest friends had disappeared, including the man I was talking about above. There were different reasons why for each but it left a resonating song of despair and heartbreak in my heart. It was like a break-up heartbreak times a trillion. Even with my new found joy - this pain sang loudly in my heart. What had shifted from pre-2011 is that now...I wasn't running from the pain. I sat with it, sobbed with it. I gave up, with it. Surrendering to my overwhelming feelings...I didn't try to change anything I was feeling - I was simply present. I allowed thoughts like, "I seriously can't do this anymore." run freely through my mind. In the past, giving up was never something I'd even consider. But, compassion had replaced my fear. I didn't feel like fighting myself, anymore. Nor, did I have the strength to.
In those darkest moments, I discovered just how much I can rely on myself. For once the sobbing had subsided, I would console myself...I would reaffirm my worthiness and that I did truly love myself. That I could trust myself to be compassionate and be a friend throughout my entire life. I could feel something in my own heart shifting.
Now, here we are, at the ending of this year and I am about to have a conversation I wouldn't really ever imagined having. I am willing to go to a place where there isn't sunshine...I am willing to go to the depths of despair because I know that I am *not* alone and that I do have a friend in myself. I know that my worthiness, my invincibility and my eternal nature cannot be taken from me. I will go there. I am also willing to not be torn in two by it - but to blossom from walking into the storms of my own heart. I am willing not to be torched by the dragon that watches over the gold but to become mutually understanding of one another.
Whatever the case, I believe in the source of that sunlight and there is something very brave and free coming from that source. "I'm not afraid, I was born for this."
Outside, tonight, I was trembling and feeling the waves of sadness wash over me to be once again about to possibly lose a deep connection with someone who means more to me than words will ever explain. The whispers of, "See how alone you actually are." came creeping in. I let that familiar, yet still powerful, darkness over take me with tears. And true to the shift that has continually been happening this year when reaching that state...something began to shift. I knew I'd be okay, even if everything I was fearing did come true. I could feel the pain and how it was actually a deep, deep love welling up from within my being. It was almost sensual in nature...I thought of my father putting his hand on a tree and feeling pain then the tree telling him that what he was feeling was love but because of his perception, he only felt pain.
Then I stumbled across this video;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgmVOuLgFB0
I smiled because I knew, I knew that the obstacles - the pain before me is what is propelling me forward. It's what wakes me up, keeps me motivated. A surfer doesn't pause the waves from coming...they keep getting knocked down by them again and again - finally, they will learn more and more how to ride those waves. They aren't looking to stop the waves, they seem them as being the very thing which propels them forward.
2013 was a year of deep love, letting go, discovery and recovery. A year of building trust with myself. Releasing a lot of the old to let in the new. It was a decision on whether I truly wanted to continue living here or not. I've chosen to Continue.
2014 is a year about Continuing vs. being paralyzed. I want to truly live my life - authentic with that deep love and reverence. I want to face the unknown courageously and with an open heart. I accept the possibility of it being one of the most awe-inspiring years yet, to date. I embrace the idea of pure magic unfolding and truly stepping into my truest potential ! I see it being a year of radiance, new discoveries - allowing in the new...stepping into the new, living the new. Emerging as a butterfly. Walking my talk more than I can even imagine possible
2014 is going to blow my mind in the most beautiful, amazing, magical ways possible ~
Now, our relationship is shifting & I don't know what it means. I still believe he'll be in my life but the way it will shift will more than likely ask me to face that same darkness I stepped out of when you arrived in my life. There is a feeling born from loneliness, it's different from hopelessness. It feels like you're slowly disappearing, evaporating.
For the first time, I want to go into the storm. Not to wallow in it, not to conquer it. But to listen to it. I want to listen to my heart - the storm. The joy that we shared was born from true love - the truest I've ever known and probably isn't something must humans ever experience. To hold onto the joy from a place of lack and fear...well, it wouldn't be honoring where that joy came from & eventually the flower would die from being plucked.
When I returned to being fully grounded in 2011 - I made the decision to embrace joy fully into my life and live my life to the fullest. If something didn't feel comfy to me, then I didn't have to walk in that direction. Sure, I may *technically* do what was making me feel uncomfortable but I'd shift my perspective about it where I still felt in blissful alignment with myself. I knew that bliss was an indication that I was allowing myself to unfold.
Okay, but sometimes in the hustle and bustle of life - I don't always allow myself to settle down and shift. Sometimes, I forgot that I am unconditionally loved and supported and I dream a dream of loneliness...despair.
2013 has been a year of great discovery. Many material things have been accomplished - new experience gained. And I felt the worst emotional pain I've ever felt in my entire life. I didn't run from the pain, to be honest, I really couldn't even if I wanted to. My brother didn't want a relationship with me and basically *all* of my other closest friends had disappeared, including the man I was talking about above. There were different reasons why for each but it left a resonating song of despair and heartbreak in my heart. It was like a break-up heartbreak times a trillion. Even with my new found joy - this pain sang loudly in my heart. What had shifted from pre-2011 is that now...I wasn't running from the pain. I sat with it, sobbed with it. I gave up, with it. Surrendering to my overwhelming feelings...I didn't try to change anything I was feeling - I was simply present. I allowed thoughts like, "I seriously can't do this anymore." run freely through my mind. In the past, giving up was never something I'd even consider. But, compassion had replaced my fear. I didn't feel like fighting myself, anymore. Nor, did I have the strength to.
In those darkest moments, I discovered just how much I can rely on myself. For once the sobbing had subsided, I would console myself...I would reaffirm my worthiness and that I did truly love myself. That I could trust myself to be compassionate and be a friend throughout my entire life. I could feel something in my own heart shifting.
Now, here we are, at the ending of this year and I am about to have a conversation I wouldn't really ever imagined having. I am willing to go to a place where there isn't sunshine...I am willing to go to the depths of despair because I know that I am *not* alone and that I do have a friend in myself. I know that my worthiness, my invincibility and my eternal nature cannot be taken from me. I will go there. I am also willing to not be torn in two by it - but to blossom from walking into the storms of my own heart. I am willing not to be torched by the dragon that watches over the gold but to become mutually understanding of one another.
Whatever the case, I believe in the source of that sunlight and there is something very brave and free coming from that source. "I'm not afraid, I was born for this."
Outside, tonight, I was trembling and feeling the waves of sadness wash over me to be once again about to possibly lose a deep connection with someone who means more to me than words will ever explain. The whispers of, "See how alone you actually are." came creeping in. I let that familiar, yet still powerful, darkness over take me with tears. And true to the shift that has continually been happening this year when reaching that state...something began to shift. I knew I'd be okay, even if everything I was fearing did come true. I could feel the pain and how it was actually a deep, deep love welling up from within my being. It was almost sensual in nature...I thought of my father putting his hand on a tree and feeling pain then the tree telling him that what he was feeling was love but because of his perception, he only felt pain.
Then I stumbled across this video;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgmVOuLgFB0
I smiled because I knew, I knew that the obstacles - the pain before me is what is propelling me forward. It's what wakes me up, keeps me motivated. A surfer doesn't pause the waves from coming...they keep getting knocked down by them again and again - finally, they will learn more and more how to ride those waves. They aren't looking to stop the waves, they seem them as being the very thing which propels them forward.
2013 was a year of deep love, letting go, discovery and recovery. A year of building trust with myself. Releasing a lot of the old to let in the new. It was a decision on whether I truly wanted to continue living here or not. I've chosen to Continue.
2014 is a year about Continuing vs. being paralyzed. I want to truly live my life - authentic with that deep love and reverence. I want to face the unknown courageously and with an open heart. I accept the possibility of it being one of the most awe-inspiring years yet, to date. I embrace the idea of pure magic unfolding and truly stepping into my truest potential ! I see it being a year of radiance, new discoveries - allowing in the new...stepping into the new, living the new. Emerging as a butterfly. Walking my talk more than I can even imagine possible
2014 is going to blow my mind in the most beautiful, amazing, magical ways possible ~
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Awakening
There is something to spending time with just yourself. It hurts to feel alone - it's not that I don't enjoy space, independence...my "me" time.
It's that sensation of being alive and no one even knowing. It's that sensation of not hearing anything but your own breath. It's that sensation of not remembering what it feels like to be touched, to be held, to be heard.
I have felt for a while now that my lesson is learning to be *okay* being on my own. To be able to be with myself and feel joy. I do! I feel so much love, excitement and creativity floating through me. I am still drawn, forever, to connect. It's a need - just like eating food, sleeping or breathing. I need connection.
I don't think that life has been wanting me to lack connection but rather to be *able* to hear myself. Even when you are with yourself...you don't have to listen. You can listen to music, you can cry...You can eat, you can drink...You can watch movies or indulge your mind in something other than your own presence.
You can forget that you're the one making every single decision...since you were born. I have always been the one moving my own fingers and blinking my own eyes. It may have felt like people have made decisions for me - it may have even felt like God/dess has made decisions for me...But, always, I have had the choice.
I think *that's* why it's important to spend time with yourself. You can do that with other people around. I think that may be the root of addiction - not facing yourself. Maybe that's why even God/dess gets really quiet during these times so that I can hear myself. It's not that Spirit won't be around to support me - they always are - but rather they're giving me space to hear my own voice, my own inner knowing.
Maybe that's what meditation is all about...letting go of all other stimulus and tuning into *you*. It may be silent but a language is spoken that doesn't need words.
Just meditated*
I realize that always, always, always should I tune into *me*. The me which chooses. I could "hear" like in 2011...They said, "You came back because you are afraid." I told them that wasn't the reason...
I was afraid but my reason for unknowingly coming back was to connect with the me which chooses.
The first thing I heard was, "Elizabeth!! I'm afraid!!" And then it was as if I was calling for Elizabeth - it's like there is a part of me that is on auto-pilot...my body awareness and then there is my soul. That's what it is!! There is the body & there is the soul. The soul is originating from my chest, that's what it feels like...the soul consciousness and the body consciousness comes from the brain. [all speculation]
I need to tune into my feelings and the me which chooses. I can connect but if I numb myself out with other voices, thoughts...things then I won't be able to truly hear myself. Letting go of all other stimulus.
For YOU are the one that makes the decisions...not the other stimulus. If you wonder if God/dess doesn't like this - just know that she/he is celebrating. For as you are empowered...the whole universe is empowered. This is awakening.
It's that sensation of being alive and no one even knowing. It's that sensation of not hearing anything but your own breath. It's that sensation of not remembering what it feels like to be touched, to be held, to be heard.
I have felt for a while now that my lesson is learning to be *okay* being on my own. To be able to be with myself and feel joy. I do! I feel so much love, excitement and creativity floating through me. I am still drawn, forever, to connect. It's a need - just like eating food, sleeping or breathing. I need connection.
I don't think that life has been wanting me to lack connection but rather to be *able* to hear myself. Even when you are with yourself...you don't have to listen. You can listen to music, you can cry...You can eat, you can drink...You can watch movies or indulge your mind in something other than your own presence.
You can forget that you're the one making every single decision...since you were born. I have always been the one moving my own fingers and blinking my own eyes. It may have felt like people have made decisions for me - it may have even felt like God/dess has made decisions for me...But, always, I have had the choice.
I think *that's* why it's important to spend time with yourself. You can do that with other people around. I think that may be the root of addiction - not facing yourself. Maybe that's why even God/dess gets really quiet during these times so that I can hear myself. It's not that Spirit won't be around to support me - they always are - but rather they're giving me space to hear my own voice, my own inner knowing.
Maybe that's what meditation is all about...letting go of all other stimulus and tuning into *you*. It may be silent but a language is spoken that doesn't need words.
Just meditated*
I realize that always, always, always should I tune into *me*. The me which chooses. I could "hear" like in 2011...They said, "You came back because you are afraid." I told them that wasn't the reason...
I was afraid but my reason for unknowingly coming back was to connect with the me which chooses.
The first thing I heard was, "Elizabeth!! I'm afraid!!" And then it was as if I was calling for Elizabeth - it's like there is a part of me that is on auto-pilot...my body awareness and then there is my soul. That's what it is!! There is the body & there is the soul. The soul is originating from my chest, that's what it feels like...the soul consciousness and the body consciousness comes from the brain. [all speculation]
I need to tune into my feelings and the me which chooses. I can connect but if I numb myself out with other voices, thoughts...things then I won't be able to truly hear myself. Letting go of all other stimulus.
For YOU are the one that makes the decisions...not the other stimulus. If you wonder if God/dess doesn't like this - just know that she/he is celebrating. For as you are empowered...the whole universe is empowered. This is awakening.
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