Hard Lessons

I thought that if I worked on myself enough - it would make me enough for my mate. They wouldn't cheat, their eyes wouldn't stray. I would show them epic love and they would be empowered and uplifted to the point that I'd basically be their saviour.
I wanted the cheat codes. I saw others being cheated on and treated like dirt and I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't put myself through that.
Yet, I have just emerged from a two year relationship in which those very things happened. Sometimes the heart speaks louder and has more of a pull than good common sense. I *wanted* to trust him and so I chose to focus on his good more than the areas where he would inevitably hurt me with. I had watched the transformative power of my own life...going from a 16 year old girl who was spiraling into a dark, dark place...to an empowered and joyful young woman - I believed anything was possible. But I had turned my will over to a power greater than myself at my lowest low. I wanted to control this transformative power. I believed I had special powers...that I could choose how to save this world and the one's I loved. But now I see that it is not my place to try and save anyone else...only me. I can only keep my side of the street clean. It is my HP's responsibility to save everyone else. And one has to WANT it. Sadly, salvation is only there for those who WANT it and do whatever it will take to get it. Not those who need it...we all need it. My codependent nature has had so much trouble accepting this. But this may be one of the tougher lessons to reveal to me that someone else must want it and choose it for themselves...just as I did! No matter what anyone else has ever done for me or said to me...it's not until I have chosen it that the door opens for me.