Higher Power

I always had a thought in the back of my mind that I went kooky in 2011. Maybe I was schizo like my aunt. But it manifested before I turned 20 & I didn't have any of the other symptoms. Plus, I didn't require medication & it never came back. Psychiatrists, doctors and therapists have all agreed that it wasn't the early signs of schizo disorder.
All that being said, that's never been something I've needed to explain to people. But this time it was...or so I felt the need to defend myself because someone literally asked me if I thought I was schizo. I had felt frustrated before that no one ever mentioned to me that possibility but hearing someone actually ask that was worse.
It has all clicked for me, though. It was a spiritual experience. My higher power has been trying to reach me for so long. I was terrified of that experience. I was similarly terrified of my parents divorce. It was a huge change in my life. It rocked the foundations of what I knew reality to be. I no longer felt safe or like I had stable ground to stand on. I also lost my connection to my higher power. In my search to regain stability especially after 2011...I overlooked any real connection with my higher power. It was easier to look for that stability in the external world. Truth is, I haven't been able to find it in drugs, or food or people. There's no great love affair to fix all of my problems. To take away the edge of or bite of life. Just my higher power. Only my higher power is able to soothe the burn of life's fire. The relationship which I'm building with my HP is what I always wanted but was struggling to create.