There has been a chink in my armor, a vulnerable spot close to my heart. But like in old myths with dragons and dragon slayers, I've tried to hide this weakness.
It has been my kryptonite, more because of my cognitive dissonance around it. My unwillingness to admit it is still there. I guess, I'd hoped no one could see it. But the more blind I was too it, the more it grew. Until it was a massive wound, festering. Until the whole world could easily spot it. Until I was a beckon to vultures who might prey on me.
But still I wouldn't admit to my innermost self that it was there. I believed in the magic of manifestation. I went to the healers and they would help me for a time, but not for long. Somehow it would always grow back. I became convinced I was cursed...not that I was reopening old wounds and making them worse every time I went into battle. I still thought it was a tiny, hidden vulnerability over my heart...not this massive, festering thing. I was a dragon but as breakable as glass.
Finally, finally. I see it. It was through trying to tune into the one consciousness that I realized what I'd been doing all along. Why I created fantasies, tried to numb out or runaway. The dark figure chasing me in my dreams was my own shadow. I was eating myself alive with my denial. He wasn't who I wanted him to be and I was grieving that truth. Go back to the little girl and give her your hand. What I resist persists...time to face the wound for what it is & feel the pain I feel.
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