Love is acceptance~

Tonight, in the midst of the terrible storming in Alabama, I was given my answer. The question that has been bugging me in the back of my mind, death? What is it? Why has it been circling me for days and the fear building up within me, bucking and seizing. I could feel it taking shape as though it were whispering to me and trying to make me forget what I'd learned from the beginning.
My message.
Tonight, I read a couple chapters from a book. The main character was a young king who was put into a battle for the first time along with his friends to help an ally overtake his cousin who has unjustly stolen his kingdom from him and did terrible things to his people. They were completely taken off guard by a dishonorable attack during the night and the ally of the young king is killed. All the killing had turned into slaughter, everyone killing everyone else. There was no honor in any of this and the dying allying had realized that no matter the reason, killing was slaughter of another man.
At some point the young king is captured and because he makes the unjust cousin angry he decides that the king be killed without any honor. He is brought to the burning ground where the dead bodies were burned and only the changars could do the job. The changars did not have a caste [rank in society] and were pretty much treated like lepers to even be touched by one of them would destroy strip your caste and you would become one. Instead of being killed the king was put on a dog collar and became the changar's slave. It was a joke for such a lowly person to have a slave and a king at that. The young king yelled, "No, you've made a mistake! I'm the King of Sundari! You must kill me, spare me that. What will you lose?" But the changar would not because he said he was sparing him his life and now he had a slave.
The King tried to deny it in his mind, he'd been touched and now he was one as well. He tried to rewrite the past, he couldn't even accept it. But no matter how he tried to change his mind...he knew the truth, his caste had been broken, he would be one for the rest of his life.

I understand this feeling.

I remember what it feels like to be this young king, to be naively innocent. Everyone copes in their own way, every tries to deny the darkness in their own lives in one way or another. For a long time, we have ways of evading it. Even when we say the way it lurks in every corner and it on every news channel, we have ways of keeping it from within our own lives. Even if that means we have to believe we are somehow better off then everyone else. That somehow, the possibility of being something as terrible as a rapist, that kind of darkness would never plague are life and IF it did, we would be the victims not the attacker. Which is why so many of us feel sorry for ourselves, we live like victims because the world is the one attacking us. Isn't that right? There is so much darkness in the world and we have the right to feel a little broken down because we have so much to fight against. Of course, because we're on the good team.

But are you? I wasn't.

The darkness? I couldn't hide from it anymore. It stood before me, honestly and truly. There was no evading and there was no denying it. All of the sudden, the very thing I had spent my entire life fighting against. Every single fear, every single disdain, everything I thought I stood for to fight against. The very message I was proclaiming to be the source of all destructive and bad. I was it. Yes, and just like the young king Sundari, I tried to deny it. Which only made me feel more pathetic, I just not only found out that I was the worst person I could ever be but I wouldn't even admit it to myself.

But you have to understand, it's hard to accept when you have spent your whole life believing that you are on the 'good side'. That's not you, you would never do that. Even though you know you will make mistakes in life, there are just some things you'd never do or become, afterall the choices are left in your own hands. And I will not try to say I didn't choose those choices. They were all of free will. But little did I know, free will can easily be manipulated when you are on your own just like a drunk always comes back to alcohol when they should be aware it is destroying everything.

So...there I was. Feeling that if I held atleast a SMALL bit of honor left within me I would accept that I had become like in that story, a 'changar'. I knew that there would be nothing I could do to change it for the rest of my life and all of my life before I had claimed that I would live through the punishment of it, if I had to. So I would continue on believing that I was a monster forever and be damned forever but it was my choice, I deserved it. I can honestly say that if there is hell, this is what it feels like. I was my own worst nightmare and no matter how much I wanted to, it was real. I couldn't take it back, it was real.

Then, looking at my father, something shifted within a second. He loved me. A feeling more then a voice, or maybe it was a knowing placed an understanding in my heart and within one moment, I forgave myself. Many voices within my head argued that, that was the most dishonorable thing you could do because that means you are forgiving THAT kind of person. Someone so terrible to you before, you are willing to forgive. That proved that I was not only terrible but a coward, I had no honor left.

But those voices stopped the second I forgave myself. Because, nothing could deny that I had been forgiven, heart and soul. I literally didn't feel like a bad person anymore, I felt like me again. Beautiful and free but most importantly, loved.

Kerli once said, "Love is acceptance." For a long time, I didn't know if I thought you could place it so easily under something like that but now I do. My brother once said, "What makes a monster is not it's ability to hate but it's inability to love."

That knowing was belief. Because you don't have to have any evidence to back up if you truly believe in something, it's just true. A voice within my heart said to me, "Elizabeth, remember who you are." Because in my eyes, I saw that my father remembered that person. He believed in me. He didn't see me as a monster and  I know honest to my grave that he never truly will or would. It was the reflection of myself in his eyes that reminded me of who I really was. In my darkest place, he still saw his beautiful daughter, Elizabeth and I remembered love.

And that is my message. No matter what you become, no matter what you do, you can never be damned. There is always a second chance for you, your life is not ruined. Love CAN return to you and things CAN change. Because love will never leave you, that is the truth about love because love is acceptance and will accept you no matter who or what you are. All you need do is forgive yourself so that you can let it back in.

I want to help people see the light within themselves, when no one else can, like what was done for me. And to hear that voice within their heart that says, "no, remember who you are. Yes there is darkness here but it's not who you really are. That's the truth, this is not who you really are." And then forgive yourself. The consequences of your choices may come but that does not mean you are ruined or that things have to be miserable for you for the rest of your life. You would be surprised.

My message is that there is always hope and that there are some things worth fighting for no matter what. Which means believing, no matter what evidence comes against you because that is what it means to TRULY know something. Believe in something that really matter. Love. Love is forgiveness, love is acceptance. Fight for it always.

The message has always been the same but now I truly see it for it what it is and nothing will stop me. That is not an inner vow, that is belief. I truly believe in this message and I believe that just like in Whale Rider that my father showed me, I will see that there is more to life then that darkness, that despair. That no matter the crisis, there is no mountain too high. Because courage is seeing that there is something more important then fear.

I truly see it now. There was a show that my brother showed me and he said this character reminded him of me. This character is revered by her other alien kind for being able to conquer her own darkness even though she had murdered the one that she loved. It had taken her years but she had done it. One particular person was almost going mad from the darkness within her and wanted to make this sacred connection with her so that she could learn how to control it and help the other people. This connection was very intense because the two people are interlocked together spiritually. The girl ends up betraying her and tries to take all the knowledge from her so she doesn't have to take years mastering it.
The girl resurfaces and she is completely consumed by the darkness and had just been betrayed by the other girl. It turns out the other girl, in trying to destroy her darkness became it and even though she'd stolen the knowledge she began killing people.

The main character is still struggling with her darkness when the other character in the show says that he will make the spiritual connection with her and show her the good again. So they make the connection and he begins to see her darkness but she warns him not to focus on it or let any of it inside of himself. Instead he tells her to let herself see herself through his eyes.

He could still see the kind and loving person that he loved in her and all of the sudden she remember who she really was and started fighting to be that person again. Long story short, she regains control of it. And the funniest thing is his name was John. :]

Dad and I seem to find a connection with God through John. And really, I only do because dad did. And just like how John in that show reminded her who she really was by letting her see herself through his eyes, I feel dad the same for me that night. He believed in me.

It's okay to mess up, hunny.

There are a few things I want to talk about today. One; I really love Disney movies and I feel that help us to remember who we really are. That part of us that can be so easy to forget in the storms of life. I was watching Lion King 2 the other night and really loved the story. How everyone realized that they WERE one and to come together. That no matter what 'side' you may say you are on, when you start judging other people you are the ugly one. 

I began struggling a bit with my own darker feelings and feeling that I really needed to understand and see why I felt it. But I have really looked at it before and it was keeping me from doing what I felt I should be doing. I couldn't do any of it with all my heart and I really couldn't enjoy my life. But I came to the realization that, "I've spent enough time in darkness." I know that part of life far too well, it's time for a new chapter. And now that I've returned to the light after seeing the darkness and being in my own personal hell, it means to much more to me. I feel that I have truly learned just how strong the light it. And that there really isn't anything frivolous to it. I hope that I can keep this sense of understanding from here on out. And the days when I have trouble remembering it; I can always come back to places like this and be reminded. I am loved. I do have true beauty within my heart and with some good time and effort, things CAN change.

I want to put my heart and soul into things and truly see the good results from it. I love people and I do have fear sneak up on me sometimes but the beauty is stronger, now.

My entire life has become enriched by what happened and every day I am thankful that I made it. That I live to see another day.

Thank-you, God, my best friend. Thank-you to all my family and everyone who has supported me but especially you, God. Thank-you, so much. Thank-you for giving me a second chance! I love you, with all my heart and soul. 

I also had a little trouble with doubts about my relationship with Kirene just because it is hard for me to think I can actually have something that lasts. But I am truly trying to learn to live in the moment. And I love him, I love him with all my heart. I want what is best for him and for me. I want him to know that I am here to support him and that we truly can work through all of our issues. I feel that I had treated him badly before and I do want to become better as a mate. I want that. I know myself and GOD has been helping me to see the truth for what it is. He has been showing me that he believes in me and what I am doing, that he thinks it's a good idea. :] And he wants me to do it. I have faith in that and that no matter how much issues I have when it comes to trust in that area, it will all work out like it should. Thank-you, again, father God for showing me that truth. Please continue to work miracles in my life and help me to see that sometimes the problems are not at all what they seem.

Everyone out there who is dealing with problems tonight, good luck and I hope you know that you will be okay! Work through them, don't make rash decisions, especially when you are tired or when you are upset. Wait it out and work through the storm. I love you guys! 

I pray that tonight, I will be free of dis-ease and feel peace within my heart. I pray that I will let go of whatever is bothering me or see it for what it really is. I know that I want happiness but it does need to be true to who I am. Because being true to who I am, is really the most important thing. I think that maybe I didn't feel I was being honest enough with this blog.

I want this to be a place where I really speak from the heart and something I know I can look to and feel I tried my hardest to share where I am coming from. 

This blog should never feel like a chore and it should always be something I can confide in. After all, it was very helpful to me in the beginning and I hope it still can be.

I am sorry for not posting as much in it, lately. I really need to get into the habit of doing that again. A part of me feels annoyed with myself, right now.

Maybe it's because I feel like I can't ever do things right or stick to them and I knew I needed to really try and post in this when I got the chance. It will be something I will work on. 

Father God, Holy spirit, Higher Power, Who I really am, Please help remind me to post in this blog and to really learn and grow from day to day. I REALLY do want to change and I am a very sorry for not trying my hardest. Sometimes I really am too hard on myself but I know that I need to admit when I have not tried my hardest because I didn't. But I don't hate myself for it, it's just an area I need to work on. Which is okay, because my behavior is not perfect yet. And that is the whole point of this change.

It's okay to make mistakes. 

Just remember that's what they are and be willing to change them. Growing and changing is a process, forgive myself and move on. I love who I really am and I want to be true to that so I must always try my best but when I do slack off, I've got to remember that I am not perfect and I'm still learning.

I do pray that I get better with this part of myself, though. I need focus in my life! Focus on what is important and what I need to do! I will continue to try! Thank-you, God, for reminding me this is something I need and want to do. <3

Now! To share about my name. I was reading in this name book and got inspired to look up what my name meant on the internet. I knew that the hebrew meaning of Elizabeth was "Oath of God" but that is also translated into Elisheba meaning the same thing which also means, "God Is Seven." Seven has always been a predominant number in my life and it does mean a lot to me. Thank-you father for always being with me. It also means, "Daughter of God." It kind of brings me to tears when I think of it and somehow it feels like a very sweet thing was done for me by giving me my name. I just wish I could hug God, sometimes. I really do love him. :] He's my bestest friend! Hehe!

Wish me luck for tomorrow! Going to go sell books and have school to do! I will proclaim by God's strength that it will be a marvelous day! Good night all and to all goodnight. 

Soon, you'll learn who you really are.

Okay, so I've not been as disciplined with keeping this blog up to date as I have before but as mom said, I don't need to be too hard on myself and that I am trying to change. I think the important thing for me is I don't become to accepting of things that I don't see the mistakes that I am making. But there is some element of needing to truly find your own confidence within yourself.
First off, I have to really forgive myself. Which is actually the word of the day; forgiveness. Whether it be for myself or for others, that is something very important that I must learn or bitterness and other unhealthy things will take root and began to release bitter fruits. Sometimes I have difficulty being patient with the kids at my school and I will lash out at them...It always makes me feel all yucky afterwards. I want to be loving but it's hard to be when they are being something that I don't agree with. I don't want to be judgmental but it's hard not to be when it bothers me so bad I can barely hold it in. I don't think the correct answer is to support or to 'overlook' bad behavior because I am 'loving'. Love isn't neutral, it take a stand. But there is still ways to do it in a loving way and respectful of the fact that it is one of my brothers or sisters. I should be more in the way of wanting to help heal them or teach them rather then correct them. If I condemn them, I also condemn myself and I always feel that now when I do get angry with them. It just sets everything off kilter for me and I try to react in a loving but stern way yet it  always comes off being angry because I am feeling bothered by it.
And now that so many of my walls have been knocked down it is very hard for me to control just what I do or say. Because it's very hard for me to fake things, that makes me feel worse then anything else. I have to find a completely new way of living, which is what I wanted and still want. But when I am not really up to par with what I have been trying to do, it's like I'm even worse then before because there is no filter. My middle ground is a very shaky place, right now.
I felt bummed out really bad by it when I came home today and was very tearful. It's probably partially because of the fact that I am PMSing but it still doesn't make it any less uncomfortable. So, I am trying to forgive others and myself. My mom has a good point, I have been trying very hard to change and I just can't be so hard on myself. I have to remember not to be so hard on myself while keeping on trying. Don't excuse bad behavior but at the same time don't be too hard on myself.
Then I found out that my friend is soon about to be broken up with by my brother and that was very emotional for me, as well. I know that she see's him as 'the one' for her and that he is still suffering from his last break up and then has to initiate another one; so I was in tears about that as well. I can only think of how it felt to be in her place, even if it can be sort of naive to expect to stay with someone forever, I can understand. It's a good thing to be able to have a pure hearted approach about things, though. She does care so deeply about people and she cares very deeply about him. The bad thing about expecting how things should turn out as in the 'fate' of things is when they don't turn out that way you get this feeling of being betrayed by life itself. But we have to realize that we don't have the manuscript of our entire life and if we did understand it that well then what would we even have to learn from it and why would we be living it? Everything about life is a chance and a lesson to be learned, I know that I still even must understand that better. She does see the good in him but she must also realize that the choice is entirely up to him. Trust someone but realize that they DO have pains they have to fight and battles with fear they have to fight and sometimes that may and will come out in the way they do things. Even if it were a mistake, it comes out. You never know if it's going to come out as in them leaving you or whatever else. You just enjoy the time you have with them, love every moment and then when they go, try your best to let go of the hurt because you DO feel hurt sometimes when you lose something special to you. And then hopefully you can hold that sense of eternal love that you know no matter what you will always love them whether they are your mom or your girlfriend or a total stranger, now. You will always love them and believe in them. That is one of the biggest testament of true love. Being able to love someone no matter what type of relationship you have with them, whether it be physical in the sense that they are around and near you or away and no speaking to you. Love them. I hope that she can find that peaceful place within her own heart but a part of me was so scared for her because of the fact that I remembered how I took it. When 'the one' is leaving you, it kinda feels like all your dreams and meaning is leaving as well. Guys probably wouldn't relate to that as more unless they are the more romantic type but the bad thing about believing that having a lover in your life will fix everything and that will be when the fantasy begins and when that happens it will be like your knight in shining armor here to save the day and change everything for you; it makes EVERYTHING depend on that one person to be something that is literally impossible to be. No one can seriously save someone to such degrees and turn all their life around unless they had supernatural abilities and being True. I believe that desire roots from the desire for our connection with our higher power. Because that IS the magical moment when life begins to change and he OR she, whoever your higher power represents to you does turn things around and show up like a knight in shining armor. That person is directly connected with your dreams and the love of your love. Because when they are the love of your life, so is everyone else and yourself. No one gets left out, everyone gets loved. Everyone, suddenly is the most important person of your life. Whether it be shown by you given them a smile on the street when you just want to cry or spending hours helping your mother with chores at the house. However you express your love to someone is not right or wrong but it is important. I just hope that she will be able to withstand the tsunami of emotions that will surely hit her and realize that she is loved beyond her wildest imaginations and that we will be there for her when she needs it. As for my brother, I only hope that he won't completely close up after this and that he will be okay. It HAS to be hard breaking up with someone after a recent break up and his heart being in a place of pain. I really hope that he will learn from his heart, though so that he can be an even more rounded person. I love my brother with everything I have and I hope so much that he will never forget this love or to be able to feel it. I hope he has strength.
I remember being told, "Soon, you'll learn who you really are." And I keep telling myself that because sometimes it's hard to remember if I am doing the right thing or not. I begin to wonder if  I am the one being naive. I'll hear from brother say things like, "Well, I just didn't trust either side." "What I have seen means to much to me then to make my happiness far too important." "I dealt with the pain." And then I start thinking to myself that maybe it's not the best choice. But I feel the feeling it gives me and I start to just feel, "I just want to be happy." And I remember what it is like to just feel so dreary and so fearful that I will have to stay like this that I just want to be happy. At first, it made me think that I was a coward since my brother didn't change when he must have felt that way himself. That unbearable weight on your chest and the hopeless feeling for your future. But then I saw it for what it was. When I feel like that, that is because I begin to remember that following down this path leads to sadness...and then nothing. Nothing at all. Everything falls apart and then we are left feeling like Mr. and Mrs. Nobodies. And I just want to be happy because I DON'T want to live in fear or to become something like that. Just the thought of it is unbearable for me and I should give myself more credit. I don't want to do it because it goes against everything that I truly am. And who I truly am does understand things and see's things for what they are. She see's that one, it's just not right for me and that is not being a coward that is being honest with myself. But even if I was, per say, a 'coward' in some people's term, why do we hold ourselves to such standards when we really make mistakes all the time? Sometimes I will be frightened, sometimes I will slip up. But I want to change and to try and do my best, which is what really matters. I always feel childish when it comes to my happiness but I am beginning to realize the importance of the heart and that it really can lead you to where you really need to go. There is nothing wrong with wanting happiness, TRUE happiness. It makes you happy for a reason. Because there is beauty and meaning to it. There is Love. Happiness is part of love. While we shouldn't run from the fact that we have our own darker sides within us, it also doesn't mean we just give up on happiness. I used to want to find a middle ground so I would think it my mind. Well, thinking may not end terribly but they probably won't end wonderfully, either. There can't be any way that everyone can end up happy and feeling loved. But why not? Why can't we? Why can't there truly be MORE to this and we can all unfold as people. I just want to believe that there is more to life then that nothing feeling. I don't think all of our problems will disappear but we will find a true meaning within all of our own hearts and we will be True to Love and Happiness.
I need to learn to trust myself, truly trust who I really am. And remember that I want to love my brother more then anything but not to always think that his words automatically makes mine void. Because the truth is, I do want love and happiness that see's things for what they really are but that does not mean losing happiness or love.
~Eli

Stay still and stay focused on Love

I have a new schedule for my day;

Morning 'ritual': 

• Space with God, devotional or bible
• Write down word or thought of the day
• Morning Prayer

Noon 'ritual':

• Meditate on thought or word of the day
• be positive or help someone else

Evening 'ritual':

• Reflect on the word of the day; good and bad of the day. Write about it in the blog.
• Read A Return to Love
• Thankfulness, repentance & Love Prayer 

~~~~

So today's thought of the day is;

Stay still and stay focused on Love

Focus on positive thoughts & love. Stay still and let God take the wheel.

Positive's of the day: 

• Gave Kayla her prom dress money
• Made friends with a new girl named Heather
• Became a part of a drama that really fits into what I am going through
• Forgave Skye and spoke to her about the fact that she was jealous of me getting the role and said some hurtful things about me being the popular one and her being the outcast.
• Had fun with Kayla at Walmart 
• People bought me things, got a new T-shirt
• Mom was a good mood coming home
• Helped Carla with a breakthrough and really reconnected with her
• Sam seems to be in a good mood and he wants a picture from my prom dress fun
• Felt like a Princess again in my dress!
• I did not feel strange around Hoyett and Brian didn't seem to be upset with me
• I really felt the spirit of the drama and came up with some good suggestions for it

Things to work on:

• Didn't focus on school work enough
• A bit judgmental of the kids at school for being so loud
• Felt a little awkward around Brian
• Got annoyed with Johnathan, Aron, Micheal, Jacob and Cole
• Got very upset with Skye for getting jealous, talked a bit angrily to others after she left
• Bought an extra shirt without permission
• Didn't engage in the spiritual discipline

Overall, I liked today and I do think I made some progress. I am happy with it and I think I will do even better tomorrow, especially with a good attitude that is focused towards achievement and Love. But I still have plenty of work and plenty of time for it. I need REST. Haha. I've been doing a lot lately and that has been my biggest thing is not having enough rest or time to do all that I want to. So I really need to schedule my time better. 

Prayer Requests

My mother~I pray that my mother will be blessed with a newer and replenishing perspective and she will feel the joy reentering her life. That no matter what life throws her way, her eyes will rest on God and on Love and with this new perspective, wonderful changes will come to her. That she will begin to see just how truly beautiful she as a human being and person. That she will accept this, that a new confidence will reign through her and those negative thoughts will no longer have control over her life. I pray that she will be free of her negativities once and for all and no matter how many times they come at her she will have made a decision to move passed it. I pray that nothing will stand in her way.

My grandfather~I pray that his body will quickly heal and he will feel rejuvenation enter his entire body from head to toe. That as he slowly gets closer to his time to cross the veil he will be surrounded by the one's he loves and know that he is greatly and deeply loved by them. Especially me. That I hold a lot of respect and I am eternally grateful for all he has done for me and everyone else. He is a terrific man and deserves to go peaceful with all the Love he has given to us all over the years. I pray that his lungs will hold out healthy and strong until the very end and he will not have to go through suffering and a painful end. I pray that he will be just as strongly protected as he has been protecting us all these years. I love him very much and he deserves the best that he is.

My father~I pray that my father will find strength within his own heart and begin to see just the wonderful person he is to me and many, many other people. That he is someone who deserves love and happiness and anyone who really knows that would believe him. Because even if he's not a 'good' guy, he is definitely a truly loving man. He truly loves people and he truly cares what happens to them and no matter his own problems he goes out of his way for people. People don't always appreciate that about someone but he really does love. My whole family is so full of love and I wish they could all see just how beautiful and wonderful they are. I pray that my father will feel divine intervention with his alcohol addiction and realize that he no longer has to struggle so desperately with it. That his desire for it will be quenched with the waters of the Holy Spirit and that his brain will be reprogrammed to not want it anymore. I pray that all his troubles he may face he will find a place of peace and they will be taken into God's hands. That he won't feel he must do it alone. Because he's not alone.

My brother~I pray that my brother will stay strong through whatever trials he must face and that no matter what happens he will always remember the great person that he is and that he will forever keep that true love deep within his heart. That joy will follow him wherever he goes and the Holy Spirit will fill him with unearthly wisdom. I pray that my brother will have peace, that he will find something I feel he has not had for many, many years and that is a soft and sweet peace that passes understanding . And the joy he feels will change the world around him because I know who he really is. He is an eagle among the flock and a smiling one at that. For as Jesus showed us True Love he too, can show us True happiness. He understands things, truly understands things. I pray that I get to see my brother laugh with all the happiness from within his heart and that I can see him smile ear to ear and he may be fulfilled in whatever way is truly true him. I pray that my brother will never forget, that he too, is not alone. I am there, his family is there, his friends are there...You are there. Please be with him in his time of need.

Skye~I pray, father. Help this child of yours to see just the beauty that brims full just behind her smile, those glowing eyes of her. She is so precious to me and I only wish that she could feel the beautiful love that floats along each word that leaves her lips when she is trying to make someone else feel accepted or when she understands me and truly listens. I pray that she may gain that confidence to not close her heart to life and remember that the nightmare is not really here. That the lie is all that she isn't. She IS a True daughter of God. She is a unmatched being that bleeds Love through every tear that falls and that Love will never leave her side no matter how hard she may cry. But God is right beside her every step of the way and she is never alone. We're not alone, he's here with her. I pray Skye will understand that no matter what happens around her, it can't change who she truly is and that she must let go of the bitterness in her heart to truly feel the happiness that is waiting that. I pray most importantly that Skye will feel beautiful and loved because she is a wonderful girl that deserves to feel loved. I love her. I want her to feel it. I love you, God, please help show her this. That she is truly loved for exactly the precious person that she is.

Emily, I pray that you are blessed with peace that passes understanding, love that wraps around you like a warm embrace from a parent or a friend. I pray that whatever adversity may stand in your way you will not forget the happiness that has been given to you over the passed few days. I pray that you will be shown just how truly magnificent you are the lies you have been told will wash away from the walls of your heart so that you can see Love is all that ever truly remains. I pray that God will stand with you and show you through the hearts of the one's you Love that nothing compares to True love when you open up your heart. That you aren't alone, either and no matter what you face, "If God is for you then who or what can stand against you?" You'll be more then okay when this is all said and done. And that everything has happened to you are really mercies in disguise bringing you closer to Him. Love will never leave you and I pray that no matter what you're going through you will still be able to smile that unbearably beautiful smile of yours and share the world the kindness that only Emily's heart can share. You're one of the most special people in my life meaning that you have been through so much with me and mean so much to me, I don't just want but NEED you to be fulfilled. I pray that every True wish you have will be blessed to you and I pray this tenfold. Be blessed, be loved and remember you're never alone. 

Kait, I pray that you will find peace in the midst of your chaos and that God will work miracles in your life and you WILL feel that love within you and that you are not alone. I love you with all my heart and I pray that you will know this every moment you breathe in a breath of air. I pray that you will keep strong to who you are and remember that you are this beautiful shining light but you will never let anything else cover it up. I pray that God will help guide you through whatever struggles you may go through and positivity will take a leading role in your life. I pray that you will feel fulfilled in ways you have forgotten were even possible. I pray that no matter what happens you will always remember you have a friend and Love when you need one. I pray for peace that passing understanding to live in your heart. 

I pray for Love, Joy, Peace, Wisdom, and Fulfillment for everyone else that I love, which is everyone! I pray all the positivity that I possibly can for all of you and for anyone that is struggling right now. I pray that Love will enter your heart the moment you read this or even if you can't read it that God will touch everyone's hearts tonight and everyone can feel renewed. I pray with all my heart and soul that everyone can experience these things. I pray that all my brother's and sister's will have a good nights rest and that they can have sweet, refreshing dreams. I love you all!

I pray that I will be renewed of the Spirit when I sleep. I pray that all the things I need to work on from today and even things that I haven't seen that I will progress greatly tomorrow and the Holy Spirit has already begun to change things in a positive way for me. I pray that I will be surrounded with love, joy and peace and that no matter what I must face within the next few days, weeks, months or years to come that I will feel confidence in the thought of you, my Father. I pray that I will lead a positive mindset through the day tomorrow and that no matter the outcome of things I will stay focused on a Love based thought process and hear what the Holy Spirit is really trying to show me. I pray that I can be truly transformed through your graces and mercies. I pray that I can reach my Dreams, all of them every single True dream! And I pray that I can truly believe in myself and truly have confidence in myself and Love myself with all my heart and soul! And I pray that I will truly trust myself no matter what happens I will know I can trust you, too. I pray that Love will conquer all obstacles in my way and that you will help me passed them. I pray for protection but wisdom, as well. I pray for help with how I should speak to Hoyett and that I come from a loving place not a bad place and that goodness will follow those actions. I pray that I can have the peace of mind about my future and my life and you, God, will continue striving passionately to help me to change. Because, Father God, I REALLY really want to. I pray to you, oh Lord, don't let me fall asleep again. Please, Father God, more then anything, I want to Truly live. I want to Truly Love and see things for what they are. I love you, God. I really do, you mean so much to me. All of you do. I love you all.

Father God, I pray for Kirene. I pray that peace, love and joy over all other things will feel him to the tops of his soul and that he will truly understand he is the terrific person that I have always said and seen and believed he is. I pray that he will let go of whatever build up of years of guilt and self condemnation he has put on himself and be free. I pray, Father God, if I have ever prayed any pray as strong as this one, free that man. Free his heart, free his mind, his soul. Free him from the chains that bind him and let him return home. Let him soar like he always should and bloom into the glorious flower he is. To become the Eagle of Life. To become someone who can truly say they Love with all their heart without feeling like an outsider without feeling like they lost their chance to say that. Please, Father God, Holy spirit, still the pain that rampages through his heart and fill his ears with sounds of your loving voice. Show him that he's not alone, no matter what he thinks. He's NOT alone in this. He, yes, he is loved. He has never been stopped being loved. And I pray that I can help show him this, God. But I also pray you will give me the wisdom as what to do. Please, God, I pray that you give me the strength to feel the Love for him so strongly and so intunely that I will know what he needs from me. What will make him more pure of heart and full of love. I pray that my best friend, that my lovely Guardian, that the guy who helped me through some of the hardest times in my life, well that I could help him through his. I pray that this beautiful, beautiful soul will no longer live in anguish that he is something he's not. I pray, oh, how I pray that his Spirit will be consumed with love and comfort that no matter what devious doubt tries to take him back, Your love will overpower them all. For if you are for him, what can stand against him? I love him and I know you do, too. I pray that you will give him peace, tonight. True, true peace that can only steam from the deepest feelings of love.

 

And in all these different prayers and requests to be prayed about, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. 

~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4ba3v2FV74

This is the song for the drama. <3 It truly fits what I am going through. I cannot wait till I get to preform it! 

Now I must rest because it is far passed my bed time and my eyes are barely even able to focus on the computer. LMAO! 

All my love~

Eli