I began struggling a bit with my own darker feelings and feeling that I really needed to understand and see why I felt it. But I have really looked at it before and it was keeping me from doing what I felt I should be doing. I couldn't do any of it with all my heart and I really couldn't enjoy my life. But I came to the realization that, "I've spent enough time in darkness." I know that part of life far too well, it's time for a new chapter. And now that I've returned to the light after seeing the darkness and being in my own personal hell, it means to much more to me. I feel that I have truly learned just how strong the light it. And that there really isn't anything frivolous to it. I hope that I can keep this sense of understanding from here on out. And the days when I have trouble remembering it; I can always come back to places like this and be reminded. I am loved. I do have true beauty within my heart and with some good time and effort, things CAN change.
I want to put my heart and soul into things and truly see the good results from it. I love people and I do have fear sneak up on me sometimes but the beauty is stronger, now.
My entire life has become enriched by what happened and every day I am thankful that I made it. That I live to see another day.
Thank-you, God, my best friend. Thank-you to all my family and everyone who has supported me but especially you, God. Thank-you, so much. Thank-you for giving me a second chance! I love you, with all my heart and soul.
I also had a little trouble with doubts about my relationship with Kirene just because it is hard for me to think I can actually have something that lasts. But I am truly trying to learn to live in the moment. And I love him, I love him with all my heart. I want what is best for him and for me. I want him to know that I am here to support him and that we truly can work through all of our issues. I feel that I had treated him badly before and I do want to become better as a mate. I want that. I know myself and GOD has been helping me to see the truth for what it is. He has been showing me that he believes in me and what I am doing, that he thinks it's a good idea. :] And he wants me to do it. I have faith in that and that no matter how much issues I have when it comes to trust in that area, it will all work out like it should. Thank-you, again, father God for showing me that truth. Please continue to work miracles in my life and help me to see that sometimes the problems are not at all what they seem.
Everyone out there who is dealing with problems tonight, good luck and I hope you know that you will be okay! Work through them, don't make rash decisions, especially when you are tired or when you are upset. Wait it out and work through the storm. I love you guys!
I pray that tonight, I will be free of dis-ease and feel peace within my heart. I pray that I will let go of whatever is bothering me or see it for what it really is. I know that I want happiness but it does need to be true to who I am. Because being true to who I am, is really the most important thing. I think that maybe I didn't feel I was being honest enough with this blog.
I want this to be a place where I really speak from the heart and something I know I can look to and feel I tried my hardest to share where I am coming from.
This blog should never feel like a chore and it should always be something I can confide in. After all, it was very helpful to me in the beginning and I hope it still can be.
I am sorry for not posting as much in it, lately. I really need to get into the habit of doing that again. A part of me feels annoyed with myself, right now.
Maybe it's because I feel like I can't ever do things right or stick to them and I knew I needed to really try and post in this when I got the chance. It will be something I will work on.
Father God, Holy spirit, Higher Power, Who I really am, Please help remind me to post in this blog and to really learn and grow from day to day. I REALLY do want to change and I am a very sorry for not trying my hardest. Sometimes I really am too hard on myself but I know that I need to admit when I have not tried my hardest because I didn't. But I don't hate myself for it, it's just an area I need to work on. Which is okay, because my behavior is not perfect yet. And that is the whole point of this change.
It's okay to make mistakes.
Just remember that's what they are and be willing to change them. Growing and changing is a process, forgive myself and move on. I love who I really am and I want to be true to that so I must always try my best but when I do slack off, I've got to remember that I am not perfect and I'm still learning.
I do pray that I get better with this part of myself, though. I need focus in my life! Focus on what is important and what I need to do! I will continue to try! Thank-you, God, for reminding me this is something I need and want to do. <3
Now! To share about my name. I was reading in this name book and got inspired to look up what my name meant on the internet. I knew that the hebrew meaning of Elizabeth was "Oath of God" but that is also translated into Elisheba meaning the same thing which also means, "God Is Seven." Seven has always been a predominant number in my life and it does mean a lot to me. Thank-you father for always being with me. It also means, "Daughter of God." It kind of brings me to tears when I think of it and somehow it feels like a very sweet thing was done for me by giving me my name. I just wish I could hug God, sometimes. I really do love him. :] He's my bestest friend! Hehe!
Wish me luck for tomorrow! Going to go sell books and have school to do! I will proclaim by God's strength that it will be a marvelous day! Good night all and to all goodnight.
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