Forgiveness means to let go

What are you truly afraid of, Elizabeth?
It's not being alone because you know you aren't alone
It's not that you won't ever be loved because you are loved
Is it that someone will love you unconditionally? They will never turn their back on you?
Hmm...But people, even spirits, are fallible. And now, you are the one turning your back.
You are so afraid you are walking away from the one person who will love you without fault
You know this isn't truth, you know it.
You don't want to spend this eternity alone. You don't want your happiness to depend on you. You want to hold onto that love that made you shine from the inside out. It wasn't wrong...that's where you were spot on. There was nothing wrong about this love. It did make me shine and it was beautiful.
But I think I was really off when I felt like nothing could step between us.

Now, I remember. I wanted to believe in two people finding a love that would "break the curse". No longer would we have to separate. A love that could defeat all odds. I wanted to the control.

But the truth is, we are all fallible. I am fallible, he is fallible. We just do the very best we can. There is a divine purpose to our existence and our choices.

Being responsible for one's own happiness and well being. Not waiting for "someone else" to save them. Nope. How can I ever truly be the beloved if I need "someone else" to be? If I want the Beloved and I to be one then I must be willing to accept the Beloved. And realize that the Beloved is source - within us all. I'm not alone, I'm just responsible.

Thank-you for those words, Aymee. Maybe, I am healing from one of the strongest misguided ideas yet. I just wanted someone there beside me. I did and do truly care for Kirene but I put too many other things on the relationship that wasn't healthy. He was my friend and my love but never was he meant to be the one who "fixed all my problems" for me. Never was he supposed to love me always and forever unconditionally. I wanted him to be free and I still want that. I want that for us both.

"Sometimes love means letting go when you only want to hold on tighter."

It can feel suffocating but how could I ever want to use what we had as a crutch from dealing with what I need to deal with? I also need to be able to sit with my loneliness and then just sit with myself. Be with me. So when I am with others, I can truly be with them, too.

I want real, healthy relationships. And I want it to be as much because of the people in my life as it is that I am doing the work with myself.

I am not walking away from love but embracing it. I'm being brave. Yes, it's a risk just like everything in life. But I'm listening to what I perceive to be wisdom and truth.
I ask my higher power for healing. I ask the Beloved for healing and peace that passes the understanding of the human mind.

Thank-you
Elizabeth