Spiritual Progress

6/18/16

Tomorrow, I pick up my 30 day chip. It feels like things are dragging a bit but in all honesty I'm glad we're taking things slower to some degree. It's hot as hades right now where I work and there really isn't anything much more draining than that.
Today, I chose to stay home and rest rather than push myself passed my limit. It's not easy for me to pass up a chance to hang out with someone I really enjoy but I knew I have been feeling way too overloaded. I'm learning to pay attention to those signals and also when to push past my comfort some and do what I need to do.
I'm doing 90 days/90 meetings, right now. So every evening after work I go to a meeting. I bounce around to a bunch of different one's. Eventually, I'll probably choose a home group but for now that's what is working best for me.
I felt a good bit of anxiety and even some of that dark cloud depression that I said just the day before is totally gone.
I felt some guilt for not going out with Ally. Also, I didn't meditate/pray first thing in the morning.
It set a precedent of the whole day feeling off.
I just got off the phone with Ally and she was very understanding about me needing time for myself today. She even commended me for taking care of myself. What a contrast that is to the guilt inducing relationships I've had in the past. It almost feels like living in the Twilight Zone. It was nice to talk with her and end my night on a good note, like that. I feel rejuvenated and I remember that isolation equals trouble for me.
She reminded me that I am doing very well and not to be too hard on myself. We claim spiritual progress, not perfection. There is no perfect alcoholic and there is also no perfect program. All these little platitudes, as cheesy as they are, are good reminders for me.