Dark Woods

As a young teenager, I became impressed with a deep sense of intuition...I was actively seeking out answers to life's mysteries + filling my mind and heart with books of magic and heroics. My artwork and my own story-telling transformed into a way for me to peek into my own future...was it self fulfilling prophecy? I tend to believe it was the power of my subconscious bleeding through into my creative outlets.
I began to see the Jungian archetypes in reality before I even knew what that was. I believe my first glimpse at them was in seeing it in my artwork combined with the artwork and story-telling of the artists I was drawn to. Even Disney stories held classic archetypes. I began to understand that I was on a hero's journey...that the true challenge in my story would begin when I turned 18...just like in all the books I had been reading and from there I would discover my true strength and magic...I would undergo a transformation just like the Disney princesses...I would go through an ego death...literally a part of me would die so that I could be born anew with strength I hadn't had before. But I knew that meant that I would go to the underworld...aka I would fall into a deep sleep like Sleeping Beauty and that in this sleeping realm I would navigate the treacherous lands filled with dangerous beings...to find my true self and rescue the land...freeing myself and ultimately freeing the land. Then I would return, I would awaken from my slumber a new person. I drew pictures of it...I wrote stories...I had in my mind what would happen.
Yet, I still never could have expected 2011. It was exactly what I predicted. I fell into another state of existence...as if falling under a spell...I had to traverse treacherous territory in my own mind...but inside my mind - I literally saw another world. It's like I was inside my subconscious...
Thinking back, I had practiced walking around in my subconscious mind with Carla...we would envision a world and meet there. Apparently this was "astral travelling".
I predicted everything that happened to me.

Now, 7 years later...there is so much that I have experienced. 2011 prepared me for these battles. I had NO idea what I'd be facing even with the ability to see into my fate. Sometimes I have felt that my intuition into myself is a curse...that I see too much. But now I am grateful for it...it the ability to see when it truly matters. It is a gift. But I believe just like the gift of recovery, it feels like a curse when you are in self destruct mode. When I try to avoid, or not face truths about myself...gifts can feel like curses. Our very salvation can look like the fucking gates of hell...it's interesting how perception changes everything.

I am not out of the dark woods yet...I underestimated the war that has been wages within myself. But this time I'm on the other side...I'm not sleep walking like in 2011. The battle for my soul rages on. I didn't know before what was happening to me but now I do or atleast I can see more.
When running through the woods, I must remember, don't give up even when it's hard...on the other side of the challenge is something I won't want to miss! I will fall prey...I will lose my way...But the more that I can stay on the path to freedom...the better off we all will be. The dark woods confuse and distort things...make it hard to see things clearly...But I believe in the light within my soul.