Create Responsibly

For as long as I can remember I've been honing my creativity...it's always been my passion and later in life I realized it was also a true talent of mine.
I'm talented creatively in more than one way...and my charismatic personality sets me up perfectly to walk the walk of a nature born artist.
My whole life I've had a knack at sensing things before they happen...intuition/sixth sense in a way along with other spiritual gifts. Suppressed or accepted, these gifts are always there.
It has served me well in moving through the darkness ahead of me. I had once stepped out to become an actress and I believe I truly could've made something with that career. But, fear held me back. There were times that I have regretted that choice but looking back now, I was only 12. I had no idea yet that I was also a natural born addict and the struggles that were ahead of me. I tend to believe that I was protected by my angels. Just as I have always been...protected in 2011 from spiritual warfare and protected in 2015 from drug abuse and bad relationships.
I'm just now truly healing...at the age of 24. I'm grateful for a chance to rehab and that I gave my mind, body and soul time to heal...that I didn't push myself like a good work horse. Society is so centered around pumping out results for the consumer that it's inhuman. We've lost the pause...the stillness of mind body and soul. The connection to our spiritual man.
I love hard work and it's part of the tools in my spiritual toolkit that helped save me. But everything done in moderation. We are so easily 'holic about things. Workaholic alcoholic, ect.
The void I need to fill isn't found thru those means.

The path I chose didn't bolster my ego. It was full acceptance that I needed precious TIME to heal. My most valuable asset. I am coming out now and seeing the world thru new eyes.

I don't want my passions to be about making the money or forgetting my purpose to bolster my ego. It needs to have sound purpose and reason. I want to create responsibly....like my favorite artist Kerli.
My talents are true...but they were not born of me...they are a responsibility to this world. This hurting world...I want to be a part of the solution, not the problem. I pray I will have the courage, strength and wisdom to do that.  

Authentic Living

My beliefs...I can only say I truly know there is a higher power that exists in this life which has been there for me all of my life. But I sense in my heart that thousands of years of shamanic practices have credence to them. I sense and believe there are fairies. I feel there are many types of spirits from guides, alien energies...earthling/fairy type energies...ghosts and ancestors. I believe there are many types of God/Goddess energies. Who knows what is really happening on the other side. It's not my goal to break the veil...or to contact the darker energies of my past. But my soul has lacked some authenticity in the fact that I haven't been fully embracing my beliefs about spirits and nature and the ability to heal and change energy. I believe in these things and maybe that at times could make me ungrounded but I will not deny that they affect me.
I want to create practices which honor these beliefs. I want to reclaim my authenticity...to no longer fall victim to vampires who see the potential and want to take advantage of it.
I will shine my authentic light and feel comfortable in my own damn skin being who I am and believing in what I believe.
I feel I have overcome my inability to speak my truth or stand up for my own feelings...now, it's once again time to step into the fullness of my own being. I don't have to be afraid. I feel like the fairy will help me heal these physical ailments I've struggled with...I do not hate my physical ailments...each one had guided me deeper into my soul to reveal a soul sickness. The body is simply a mirror for my soul...when it suffers, so do I.

Light is on its way

I was thinking about the time I went to Imagine Festival with Tristan and the experiences I had. Not all of them were pleasant since I taking drugs that I'd never tried before.
This was at a time that I was so depressed and struggling to not be suicidal. I remember that my life flashed before my eyes as I realized that taking random drugs could quite possibly kill me. I saw my brothers Zach's fate mirroring my own. I saw how my life could end tragically like his...it wasn't impossible and I was starting to accept a fate like that because of my depression.
It was a time where I was totally spiritually bankrupt. I couldn't hear my HP anymore and that's because I didn't want to...everytime I listened my body filled with terrible anxiety and my cells literally screamed, "Stop living this way!! Before it's too late!!" That's not what I wanted to hear. I didn't want to change yet...not if I had to sacrifice my fixes.
But listening to the EDM music...I heard my HP's voice reaching me...bringing me back into the light...I had a spiritual experience - remembered the truth of the light and that this was my one life...it didn't HAVE to end tragically...that was a choice. I could allow my HP to help me...I just had to be willing.
My HP came to me in a multitude of ways...mostly through art since I wasn't listening to friends and family anymore. Games, music...my favorite artist. I'm lucky that I have the ability to hear and notice the messages of my higher power...it literally saved my life.