Surviving as a way of life

Just stumbled upon papers that I wrote in 2011...from the first voice I heard which was a male voice and was the one to first break my psyche. Then much, much later almost towards the end where I was working on an amends and speaking to my Spirit. This is when I was deeply immersed in the experience.
I have been listening to podcasts about survivors of natural disasters and what not. I'm a survivor of a mental onslaught and spirit crisis. I felt like mentally and spiritually I was at the mouth of a volcano with no hard hat on and ten ton flaming rocks were flying at my head. I was so, so confused. It was like I'd been transported onto another planet or abducted by aliens. My whole world was turned upside down. Nothing made sense anymore.
Maybe some people wouldn't want to hear my story or they'd simply just call me crazy but for me, how I remember it...it was a fight to save my life and who I was. I learned so much from that experience and really quite honestly went through a transformation from it and I've chosen to focus more on that than the survival aspect of it.
I also survived my relationship with Tristan. Sexual abuse, drug use and risky situations happened within only 2 years of being together. There was death and destruction following that family around wherever they were. I became so deeply depressed I was beginning to feel suicidal. I even began to give up hope which I have had to work hard to regain. To come back out of that hole.
I survived the divorce of my parents and the onslaught of craziness that insued...the emotional toll it took on me. I survived the loss of my brother, the loss of many loved ones.
Survival has been a key element to my success in life up until this point. Now, I feel like I'm coming out of survival mode and I am asking myself, "Who am I? What is my purpose?" It's different than what it was just  year after 2011. I have changed so much and gained perspective in a lot of ways 18 year old me couldn't see then.