Love lingers

I discovered the truth that I've been looking for. She exists. Let me explain a little. As you remember from my earlier post - I was going through a little bit of a heart struggle and it had been bringing me down. I'm not sure if I've said it before but the journey I have been on is a bit of self exploration one. I stopped my 7 year relationship with Kirene. Was it because I was unhappy? Not really. Yes, there was times that I felt lonely and I felt restless because there was so much I still did not know. But the biggest reason was because I needed to become a whole woman on my own. 

I felt peace, unending joy and confidence with him. There was a precious love that lifted me from any depths. And there was this tender lover which arose from me. Me, the girl who spent so many years being spunky and almost tom boyish. Even in my "girly" moments, there was a dominant attitude that took over. Or if I was feeling girly...It was shy and a bit insecure. But this part of me was deep within me. "The sleeping Princess." She is gentle, she is my heart and yet she has more strength and dexterity than the rest of me. In fact, she's feels like the most genuine part of myself at times. 

I needed to know that if I were to walk away from this man - that woman would still exist. I couldn't create her...she just had to be there. I need to find my genuine joy, peace and confidence from within. I want to share this with a partner one day and not have it being sourced from them. I could no longer use someone as a crutch. 

Well, these feelings that had been coming over me the passed few days kind of "cracked" passed my hard shell. And there I was connected to her again. Last night I wrote three letters to three different people. It was like my heart just opened up and I felt what to say. I spoke my truth and yet my love was very clear. She does still exist. And because of this, it only validates the journey I am on even more. 

I was able to stay true to myself despite visions and instructions of "someone needing my help". The way I see it is, I have to be true to myself because I have nothing really to offer if I do not. This gives me confidence that I really will follow my heart and what it tells me is the truth even in moments when everything else feels a certain way. 

Like the other night I had an interaction with a spirit and it just felt right. But my mind was telling me this wasn't true to me and that I needed to stop. In the future I plan to listen to this, atleast until I know more. No promises on that one, though. One can only pray. xP

Elizabeth