Guide Inside

Hello, friends! So, it's been some time since I've last made a post here... I want to begin by talking about something that is on my mind and heart, right now. I sometimes think about if I ever have a daughter...the things that I would say to her. Or what I'd like to say to the young girls growing up. When it comes to romance, don't be afraid to completely reshape the rules. I think the most important thing that you will ever have to comes to terms with is respect for yourself. And before that, you have to know what "yourself" looks like to know how to respect and love that girl you see in the mirror. People will lift you up, fill your heart up like never ending sunlight...People will knock you down, heart breaking in your hands. God, there's so much I want to share with you...How a girl like me found a smile that no one can erase. I never really could fit into the rules, in the first place. It simply didn't work! I laugh now because I am so glad that I was a mistfit in the terms of my society. If I hadn't of been, would I be able to write this to you all, now? Second most important thing, you have to make a map of being alone and even feeling loneliness. The one person you're going to be with for the rest of your life, no matter what is...you guessed it, yourself. This person is going to be everything to you - she'll be your best friend, sometimes. You'll hear, "I'm so great!" From time to time. She's also going to be the one you fight with the most...the one who hurts like no other. Feel that thump, thump, thumpity in your chest? It'll be there on the days when you are screaming with laughter and think it couldn't get any better, when you're standing on top of the universe and flying through the winds of change...It'll be there on those dark nights of the soul, snot dripping from your nose and tears leaving your face raw. It'll be there when you feel like you couldn't get any lower. It will be there when you give yourself to another for the first time and when you pass on your last breath to the those you love. When you love and respect yourself, when you can sit with your own self - through terrifying grief or bewildering joy...Then, you are ready to look into the eyes of another and say, "I can give you all of my being without asking you to save me from myself." I didn't discover this on my own, we rarely do. It's funny really. The one who showed me true love was an angel. Can you believe it? Someone you can't physically touch or hear them whisper to you that their favorite thing is your smile. But, have you ever heard a song that stopped you in your tracks and makes you want to freeze time, "Don't stop. This feeling, it must not stop." It's true that there is love which changes everything. It's true that you can feel a love which makes all the doubts you've ever had disappear. It's more than chemical. Third, don't settle an don't be afraid to take chances. There are literally an infinite amount of possibilities for your life. If only you could see life as your delicious buffet...It's an empty canvas and you are the artist. Put whatever colors on there, experiment - find what you enjoy. You may want to color in blacks some nights or the next in pink and blue and white or all the colors of the rainbow. Soak in all of the emotions, you don't have to be afraid of them. Or the thoughts and beliefs in your head. I wish I could give you this peace. Lastly, trust you inner knowing light. There isn't a set way to go about life and I don't think you can really go wrong...just some things are really, really horrible to experience. Experience your creativity...take up an art. Take time to breathe and just be. Take time to sit outside and watch the world breathe and just be. I'll tell you from experience that some of it will just come with experience so you don't have to worry about understanding it all, right now. That really takes the fun out of it, anyway! Trust that there is a higher power out there that is helping you the entire time...when your heart breaks - listen...listen really carefully...God is in the rain. I love you so much and I can say this because my heart is open, tonight. Ellie