I will no longer align myself with fear. Fear is not something to see as evil for it is only a test. It is the man in mirror, the one behind the glass. It wears a mask for it has no face but that which you replace. It who you are flipped backwards and the very energy you intend to use will always test you. Will you be mastered by yourself or will you be the master of yourself? I AM the master of my own energy.
And that's the truth, it was never about good versus evil it was about choosing love or choosing fear. Who do you believe in? Yourself or nothing at all.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Perfectly Flawed~
"You're perfectly flawed
You're perfectly incomplete
A work in progress
Imperfections will keep you unique
My weight
My face
My height
My race
I'm a mistake.
My weight
My face
My height
My race
I'm such a disgrace.
Its the same doubt,
The same dream
It's the same sabotage
Cause I'm the enemy
Nothing left to lose, just try again
Nothing left to lose, just try again
Don't you do it
You're not even you yet"
This is lyrics from a favorite song of mine called, "Perfectly flawed." I have always been wanting to do my best and just like everyone else, "I want to be perfect." I'd 'reject my reflection because I hate it judges me'. Today I was at school and I felt very proud of myself because I accomplished quite a lot but a friend of mine started talking about how she was jealous of someone and how she thought she wasn't pretty enough or 'skinny enough' and then she told me about this drama here and there and I could see she was torn up about it but it all seemed so pointless to me. I didn't say anything rude to her like, "Well, that's stupid. You're not ugly and jealously is so pointless." I have been there when I was younger but it's like after what I've been through now it's harder for me to even relate to what they are going through. Yet, I know that's not where I want to be and I don't want to be judgmental of others because just the fact that I am judging them shows I still much work to do. I am a work in progress. But when I got home I felt depressed about it and then I felt humbled by it and I thought, "God, I am so happy that I am human like everyone else. I make mistakes and I've still got plenty to work on myself." It's so freeing for this to be the truth. And perfection isn't really what I thought it was before. The first step to perfection is accepting yourself exactly where you are at, at that present moment and loving that person no matter what and then growing from there. This is all about growth and yes we are a work in progress but just like the song says we shouldn't give up on ourselves yet because we're not even ourselves yet. I believe that is what perfection is, coming into perfect union with your true self, which for me is love. And that for me is my truth. But like mom said, it's important for me to accept where I am at and I think it makes me able to relate to others who also are struggling. But the truth is we are all perfectly flawed and our flaws make us unique. They make us what we are. In life I always want to remember that the flaws is part of the beauty of this life. <3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNHAolTIsCo&feature=related
You're perfectly incomplete
A work in progress
Imperfections will keep you unique
My weight
My face
My height
My race
I'm a mistake.
My weight
My face
My height
My race
I'm such a disgrace.
Its the same doubt,
The same dream
It's the same sabotage
Cause I'm the enemy
Nothing left to lose, just try again
Nothing left to lose, just try again
Don't you do it
You're not even you yet"
This is lyrics from a favorite song of mine called, "Perfectly flawed." I have always been wanting to do my best and just like everyone else, "I want to be perfect." I'd 'reject my reflection because I hate it judges me'. Today I was at school and I felt very proud of myself because I accomplished quite a lot but a friend of mine started talking about how she was jealous of someone and how she thought she wasn't pretty enough or 'skinny enough' and then she told me about this drama here and there and I could see she was torn up about it but it all seemed so pointless to me. I didn't say anything rude to her like, "Well, that's stupid. You're not ugly and jealously is so pointless." I have been there when I was younger but it's like after what I've been through now it's harder for me to even relate to what they are going through. Yet, I know that's not where I want to be and I don't want to be judgmental of others because just the fact that I am judging them shows I still much work to do. I am a work in progress. But when I got home I felt depressed about it and then I felt humbled by it and I thought, "God, I am so happy that I am human like everyone else. I make mistakes and I've still got plenty to work on myself." It's so freeing for this to be the truth. And perfection isn't really what I thought it was before. The first step to perfection is accepting yourself exactly where you are at, at that present moment and loving that person no matter what and then growing from there. This is all about growth and yes we are a work in progress but just like the song says we shouldn't give up on ourselves yet because we're not even ourselves yet. I believe that is what perfection is, coming into perfect union with your true self, which for me is love. And that for me is my truth. But like mom said, it's important for me to accept where I am at and I think it makes me able to relate to others who also are struggling. But the truth is we are all perfectly flawed and our flaws make us unique. They make us what we are. In life I always want to remember that the flaws is part of the beauty of this life. <3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNHAolTIsCo&feature=related
Monday, September 19, 2011
"The future belongs to those who believe in their dreams"
The quote has followed me everywhere today. I saw a hawk. And yet, I feel like for the first time in my life when it comes to romantic relationships I have literally no dreams left in them. They've all been used up. It's different now. I believe in love and I believe in having faith in others but it's hard to believe anyone will ever care about me half as much as he does. I maybe wish I could've been where he is so I could be with him. But after all, it does seem to be what is best for us both and I have always said that comes first in our relationship because I honestly love him. I wanted to give my heart to one person, in this life. I guess this is another lesson to learn but it makes it seem all more shallow then it felt like it was with all that. But another way to see it is we are all here to learn lessons here together. Love isn't compartmentalized into 'boyfriend' or 'sister'. Love is love whether you are in love or not. I will always love him and I know he will always love me.
I guess it just feels I may have made a big mistake that is going to hurt me but if it does I guess I had to go through it. I wish I could find a way to learn my lessons without having to get torn to shreds, first.
"The future belongs to those who believe in their dreams."
Now it's time to ask myself, what is my dream, when it comes to that? What am I looking for in someone? As a friend, as a lover? I think that is my next step towards living a healthier life. She said he'd forgive me. God, I pray he does.
-Ellie
I guess it just feels I may have made a big mistake that is going to hurt me but if it does I guess I had to go through it. I wish I could find a way to learn my lessons without having to get torn to shreds, first.
"The future belongs to those who believe in their dreams."
Now it's time to ask myself, what is my dream, when it comes to that? What am I looking for in someone? As a friend, as a lover? I think that is my next step towards living a healthier life. She said he'd forgive me. God, I pray he does.
-Ellie
Thursday, September 15, 2011
If You Still Believe
It's the fall that's constantly asks me again and again, "Are you sure this is what you want?" Every word I'd ever attested to and knew with my heart is truly showing its colors to me. Life does test you. The easiest place to be is in the grave. And just as I said before, you keep trying. No, it's not as desperate as before. Sometimes you do break and sometimes you do fall very far but it's the desire to keep coming back to your destination that truly matters.
I need to post more in my blog because it continually reminds me of my email, "The tests of change." I made this as my new email because this is what I knew was going to come for me. The tests of change. Whenever you want change in your life you have to be willing to work for it and tests will come continually. If I doubt then I will be asked, "Do you still believe?" What is my answer? "Do I still believe in love?"
Yes. And as I have stated once before many years ago, no just yes but HELL yes.
It's hard. It really is hard but work builds character and one thing I can say for sure is that I sure didn't just randomly decide this is what I wanted one day and poof, there it is. I want to be there for a friend, to console her and maybe be able to give her a helping hand and yet I can't give her the comfort of, "It's going to get easier." Because it doesn't, it actually gets harder as you go but somehow that's okay. Because it's like the harder it gets the more you are willing to fight. You believe more and more in love. You believe more and more in yourself and life. You really want to see this come to pass and you have your heart set on it. I know that we can all be diamonds perfected under pressure.
I am learning how to balance from the pressure because my body needs to stay strong and healthy while being able to focus on my studies, spiritual growth and relationships with others while not forgetting to have my break time and fun. Dad always said there is a time and place for everything, well I definitely believe that.
I do sometimes answer the question with, "Why is this so hard?! I'm putting my best effort in and I'm getting no benefit." But I feel as though...I don't know. I just can't give up on this path even though it is so very hard. I feel myself changing and I know this is what I've always dreamed of. Every chance I can, I try to up lift my attitude.
I just want to know that I actually am making a difference and not falling back into the same mistakes time after time. I have to remember that in my heart there is a true desire to honestly grow as a person and I AM doing the best that I can.
We've got it in us to make it through the things in life that seem impossible to bear. WE can make it. I know that there is a world within which contains every heartfelt moment and this is great bearer of our life happiness. We can always rely on this. I know the things that I do today will affect my future for all the days to come and I feel very grateful to myself. Because of this, my past will be free, my present free, my future, free. I AM free. I MUST, must remember the tests of change!!! That this may get difficult but I must remember that I am deeply loved, I am deeply love and that I have nothing to feel ashamed of. I am a great being of Love. I AM a great being of LOVE. This is my truth. And this is what I will place my sincerity in. Also, if I give up then I'll never get to know how this extremely interesting story ends. I used to always say to myself, "NEVER GIVE UP." But it's not like that now, it's more or less that at the end of the day I will get up again. Sometimes falling or placing all hope down is okay, ruin is sometimes the best way to find yourself again. That's where my faith comes in. Within myself, others and my higher power. I DO trust in myself, others and my higher power.
What is my wish? That you will never stop believing. I still believe you are the one. I still believe that love can fall from the sky for you. I will be waiting for you if you still believe in love. YOU are the one who has shared the sunlight with me. Will you allow me to do the same for you, my dearest friend? My wish for you is that you could see yourself the way I see you. It always has been and it always will be.
Ellie <3
I need to post more in my blog because it continually reminds me of my email, "The tests of change." I made this as my new email because this is what I knew was going to come for me. The tests of change. Whenever you want change in your life you have to be willing to work for it and tests will come continually. If I doubt then I will be asked, "Do you still believe?" What is my answer? "Do I still believe in love?"
Yes. And as I have stated once before many years ago, no just yes but HELL yes.
It's hard. It really is hard but work builds character and one thing I can say for sure is that I sure didn't just randomly decide this is what I wanted one day and poof, there it is. I want to be there for a friend, to console her and maybe be able to give her a helping hand and yet I can't give her the comfort of, "It's going to get easier." Because it doesn't, it actually gets harder as you go but somehow that's okay. Because it's like the harder it gets the more you are willing to fight. You believe more and more in love. You believe more and more in yourself and life. You really want to see this come to pass and you have your heart set on it. I know that we can all be diamonds perfected under pressure.
I am learning how to balance from the pressure because my body needs to stay strong and healthy while being able to focus on my studies, spiritual growth and relationships with others while not forgetting to have my break time and fun. Dad always said there is a time and place for everything, well I definitely believe that.
I do sometimes answer the question with, "Why is this so hard?! I'm putting my best effort in and I'm getting no benefit." But I feel as though...I don't know. I just can't give up on this path even though it is so very hard. I feel myself changing and I know this is what I've always dreamed of. Every chance I can, I try to up lift my attitude.
I just want to know that I actually am making a difference and not falling back into the same mistakes time after time. I have to remember that in my heart there is a true desire to honestly grow as a person and I AM doing the best that I can.
We've got it in us to make it through the things in life that seem impossible to bear. WE can make it. I know that there is a world within which contains every heartfelt moment and this is great bearer of our life happiness. We can always rely on this. I know the things that I do today will affect my future for all the days to come and I feel very grateful to myself. Because of this, my past will be free, my present free, my future, free. I AM free. I MUST, must remember the tests of change!!! That this may get difficult but I must remember that I am deeply loved, I am deeply love and that I have nothing to feel ashamed of. I am a great being of Love. I AM a great being of LOVE. This is my truth. And this is what I will place my sincerity in. Also, if I give up then I'll never get to know how this extremely interesting story ends. I used to always say to myself, "NEVER GIVE UP." But it's not like that now, it's more or less that at the end of the day I will get up again. Sometimes falling or placing all hope down is okay, ruin is sometimes the best way to find yourself again. That's where my faith comes in. Within myself, others and my higher power. I DO trust in myself, others and my higher power.
What is my wish? That you will never stop believing. I still believe you are the one. I still believe that love can fall from the sky for you. I will be waiting for you if you still believe in love. YOU are the one who has shared the sunlight with me. Will you allow me to do the same for you, my dearest friend? My wish for you is that you could see yourself the way I see you. It always has been and it always will be.
Ellie <3
Monday, September 5, 2011
Who we are!
Tomorrow is the beginning of my senior and I am hoping to do my very best this year, also while keeping my heart open and continuing toward my journey.
I felt that perception is a very important thing. I am used to always feeling powerless over things. 'It's the darkness that makes me feel this' or 'I am afraid because they don't believe in me' or 'if only I knew the truth I would be able to choose'. But, I see that I have to be the one to take full responsible of it.
Let's break this down simply. If someone says they do not believe in you and yet you still choose you believe in yourself then you are not affected by this. Now, if someone says they do not believe in you and you choose that you believe them then that means you do not believe in yourself. And the actual person who 'made' you not believe in yourself was yourself.
The truth about our existence is free will. It's not the darkness that 'makes' me feel this way, it's me. I chose to feel the darkness, whether I 'want' to or not. Now, when a person chooses to think disillusioned thoughts for a long time, they will obviously become a very disillusioned person and not be able to clearly see how very simple that is. I am not forced to believe anything, I choose what I believe. The ultimate truth is not truth unless I see it with my own personal truth.
It is important to not stop believing in oneself. When I believe in myself, I automatically believe in others because I see them as equal to me and believe they matter just as I do. I see them as sister's and brother's. When I do not believe in myself, I do not see them this way. It's like becoming a cancer. Just think if the cells of your body decided they didn't want to do what they were meant to do? That's cancer. Think if your arms decided they didn't want to stay still and attacked you or others?
In realizing that your higher self is God, then why would you not want to do God's will? You are actually doing your will which you are always doing. In realizing that God is love, then why would you ever hesitate to just be true self? God is in us all and so you can be touched by God through others. Why isn't it just one big person? I ask sometimes. I just always think of the scripture, "Man was alone, and this was not good." God went out of his way to point out that being alone is not good. Does anyone really have to have a good scientific reason right of the cuff to believe that? Isn't that something a person can trust their heart on? Being alone is sad and it almost feels lifeless. It's in those moments when out of two people's own will, they choose to love one another that freedom and true happiness is found. I have the choice every moment.
I want to take responsibility for that. Not GUILT myself. If I can choose to forgive myself and love myself then why condemn myself? That would be like a parent telling their baby they are worthless just because they fell down when trying to learn to walk. It is in making mistakes that we learn. The push to keep getting up is what makes the babies legs strong enough to walk. I believe that perfection is found in that moment the baby tries. Simple as that. Doesn't matter if the baby falls or stands. So keep trying, people. Strive onward and be willing to fall or mess up but keep believing. Taking responsibility so that you may be happy, prosperous. I DO believe in you all, I do. You know why? Because underneath all those doubts, pains, and things that make you feel like a failure, there is a beautiful child. This child does no want anything then to just be loved and love in return, and in this, there is peace, there is love. Because this child does cry, smile, and hurt like we all do but in its heart of heart it only feels care. I believe because I've seen this in everyone. We're not nothing, we matter. That's why I believe, because I choose to. And in choosing to believe, I know. You are all something WORTH believing in, that's why I do. So fall down, bump your head, hurt me. I don't want to stop believing in you, ever. My belief in you is my love for you. For me. My parents are my guardians of my heart and they have taught me the most important lesson of life, "Never stop believing." Because it's in that belief that one learns to fly and in that belief that one is free. There is nothing love cannot conquer, nothing love cannot do. If one could love enough, they'd be the most powerful person on the face of the earth. Love, is who we are.
Children of love, let's go home.
-Eli [for my friend, Cliff]
I felt that perception is a very important thing. I am used to always feeling powerless over things. 'It's the darkness that makes me feel this' or 'I am afraid because they don't believe in me' or 'if only I knew the truth I would be able to choose'. But, I see that I have to be the one to take full responsible of it.
Let's break this down simply. If someone says they do not believe in you and yet you still choose you believe in yourself then you are not affected by this. Now, if someone says they do not believe in you and you choose that you believe them then that means you do not believe in yourself. And the actual person who 'made' you not believe in yourself was yourself.
The truth about our existence is free will. It's not the darkness that 'makes' me feel this way, it's me. I chose to feel the darkness, whether I 'want' to or not. Now, when a person chooses to think disillusioned thoughts for a long time, they will obviously become a very disillusioned person and not be able to clearly see how very simple that is. I am not forced to believe anything, I choose what I believe. The ultimate truth is not truth unless I see it with my own personal truth.
It is important to not stop believing in oneself. When I believe in myself, I automatically believe in others because I see them as equal to me and believe they matter just as I do. I see them as sister's and brother's. When I do not believe in myself, I do not see them this way. It's like becoming a cancer. Just think if the cells of your body decided they didn't want to do what they were meant to do? That's cancer. Think if your arms decided they didn't want to stay still and attacked you or others?
In realizing that your higher self is God, then why would you not want to do God's will? You are actually doing your will which you are always doing. In realizing that God is love, then why would you ever hesitate to just be true self? God is in us all and so you can be touched by God through others. Why isn't it just one big person? I ask sometimes. I just always think of the scripture, "Man was alone, and this was not good." God went out of his way to point out that being alone is not good. Does anyone really have to have a good scientific reason right of the cuff to believe that? Isn't that something a person can trust their heart on? Being alone is sad and it almost feels lifeless. It's in those moments when out of two people's own will, they choose to love one another that freedom and true happiness is found. I have the choice every moment.
I want to take responsibility for that. Not GUILT myself. If I can choose to forgive myself and love myself then why condemn myself? That would be like a parent telling their baby they are worthless just because they fell down when trying to learn to walk. It is in making mistakes that we learn. The push to keep getting up is what makes the babies legs strong enough to walk. I believe that perfection is found in that moment the baby tries. Simple as that. Doesn't matter if the baby falls or stands. So keep trying, people. Strive onward and be willing to fall or mess up but keep believing. Taking responsibility so that you may be happy, prosperous. I DO believe in you all, I do. You know why? Because underneath all those doubts, pains, and things that make you feel like a failure, there is a beautiful child. This child does no want anything then to just be loved and love in return, and in this, there is peace, there is love. Because this child does cry, smile, and hurt like we all do but in its heart of heart it only feels care. I believe because I've seen this in everyone. We're not nothing, we matter. That's why I believe, because I choose to. And in choosing to believe, I know. You are all something WORTH believing in, that's why I do. So fall down, bump your head, hurt me. I don't want to stop believing in you, ever. My belief in you is my love for you. For me. My parents are my guardians of my heart and they have taught me the most important lesson of life, "Never stop believing." Because it's in that belief that one learns to fly and in that belief that one is free. There is nothing love cannot conquer, nothing love cannot do. If one could love enough, they'd be the most powerful person on the face of the earth. Love, is who we are.
Children of love, let's go home.
-Eli [for my friend, Cliff]
Friday, September 2, 2011
More
So tonight I feel drained and a just little bit pissed. But It's not so bad. Yeah, mom is right, I need to feel what I feel. I felt maybe I spoke a little to hastily. I was angry at my dad but jesus I don't want to send any negative energy his way.
Not just that but the fact that I'd been there even if it wasn't with drinking. I was in so much pain and I knew there were things I had to stop doing but I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't give some part of myself up because I thought what waited on the other side was my destruction. Truthfully, it was fear. It's always fear. I know what's like to have the shittiest esteem and to be brought down by all kinds of addictions. NO. I don't support it and I understand why other people would be upset but judging does scare me at times. I hear my hearts judgement come back, breathing down my throat. Smiling at every little mistake I make. I know I need to let it go. I know, I know. I need to do, do. And I see that with my father, God, I wish. I just want him to be happy, I just want him to be okay.
I know the beautiful man that he is and I love him. I'm not even mad, I'm just scared. I want to hold him and tell him everything will be okay but I know it won't be if he doesn't choose something differently. I remember my dad saying, "I knew God was alright if he saved my baby."
That's how I feel right now. I want my papa to be more then okay. I want him to shine. No more hate, no more tears for the hope that feels gone, no more. But more laughter and truth seeking. I have to let go of the hold that judgement has in my own heart and the chains it immediately wraps around me.
I send you all my love. You fell down, yes. But your not the man you think you are. You're so much more then that. I know that because I know you. When did our gets so closed? How did it fucking happen? When I am with my peers I have so much trouble relating and then sometimes I just don't even know what to say. They curse constantly, hate other people and treat everything like a joke. "Where's your boyfriend? He's not here? Oh, then break up with him." After FIVE minutes of meeting this person. I felt so pissed off about this. WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME THAT?! I am feeling angry at people which is okay. It's natural but I will let it slip out of my energy like a bad drug and then I will clean myself up and get back up. Up again. I feel angry because I've been doing so good and here I go again. Kinda' might feel like dad does, right now. Like, Man...I was doing so damn good and here I am 'gain. I know it's a natural part of life but I feel like I'm missing something about all of this. The stronger I feel I am getting, the harder it is to deal with the fall back into darker places. I am going to keep looking and listening though, genuinely. I know it's not about judgement. We ALL grow how we do. Just simple as that. I see that with my mind. Am I blaming others when it's me who has the heart of cold person? When I'm the one being all freaking negative. Man, I don't want to give all the control to the world anyway. Man there is a lot floatin' about but think it's important to see what I'm responsible for. I know I curse some but I'm so tired of hearing it. And it's my fault too. I am letting it get to me. Time to stop and just let the feelings pass through me without strengthening them. Good night.
-Eli
Not just that but the fact that I'd been there even if it wasn't with drinking. I was in so much pain and I knew there were things I had to stop doing but I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't give some part of myself up because I thought what waited on the other side was my destruction. Truthfully, it was fear. It's always fear. I know what's like to have the shittiest esteem and to be brought down by all kinds of addictions. NO. I don't support it and I understand why other people would be upset but judging does scare me at times. I hear my hearts judgement come back, breathing down my throat. Smiling at every little mistake I make. I know I need to let it go. I know, I know. I need to do, do. And I see that with my father, God, I wish. I just want him to be happy, I just want him to be okay.
I know the beautiful man that he is and I love him. I'm not even mad, I'm just scared. I want to hold him and tell him everything will be okay but I know it won't be if he doesn't choose something differently. I remember my dad saying, "I knew God was alright if he saved my baby."
That's how I feel right now. I want my papa to be more then okay. I want him to shine. No more hate, no more tears for the hope that feels gone, no more. But more laughter and truth seeking. I have to let go of the hold that judgement has in my own heart and the chains it immediately wraps around me.
I send you all my love. You fell down, yes. But your not the man you think you are. You're so much more then that. I know that because I know you. When did our gets so closed? How did it fucking happen? When I am with my peers I have so much trouble relating and then sometimes I just don't even know what to say. They curse constantly, hate other people and treat everything like a joke. "Where's your boyfriend? He's not here? Oh, then break up with him." After FIVE minutes of meeting this person. I felt so pissed off about this. WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME THAT?! I am feeling angry at people which is okay. It's natural but I will let it slip out of my energy like a bad drug and then I will clean myself up and get back up. Up again. I feel angry because I've been doing so good and here I go again. Kinda' might feel like dad does, right now. Like, Man...I was doing so damn good and here I am 'gain. I know it's a natural part of life but I feel like I'm missing something about all of this. The stronger I feel I am getting, the harder it is to deal with the fall back into darker places. I am going to keep looking and listening though, genuinely. I know it's not about judgement. We ALL grow how we do. Just simple as that. I see that with my mind. Am I blaming others when it's me who has the heart of cold person? When I'm the one being all freaking negative. Man, I don't want to give all the control to the world anyway. Man there is a lot floatin' about but think it's important to see what I'm responsible for. I know I curse some but I'm so tired of hearing it. And it's my fault too. I am letting it get to me. Time to stop and just let the feelings pass through me without strengthening them. Good night.
-Eli
Thursday, September 1, 2011
So, the bird flies free~
I believed for so long my friend was silent because she didn't trust me. Because she didn't feel close to me. That I wasn't good enough. But I think of all the days I know she suffered so badly and I was only able to smile at her and ask her, "Are you okay?" She would tell me she was and so I would have to keep being happy with her as she would smile with all her might. I think she felt so guilty for the years she depended on me and showed me so much of her pain. She couldn't stand seeing me in pain. I know because I can't stand seeing her in pain over me. To see her cry because of me, that hurts like a fire melting my heart. When I heard how she sobbed over me when I went through that stuff I know why she closed up even more. Why she smiled even more. Why she didn't let herself become dependent on me. Because she loves me so damn much. She wanted me to be able to smile in my own heart because I saw her smile and she didn't want it to weigh me down. For all those silent moments, I'm thankful. I'm thankful for the strength of such love from such a girl. The lioness.
She has the heart of a lion. No matter what happens, nothing will change her fierce loyalty, truth of the heart or the kindness of her being. Because she truly is a lion heart. My best friend. At times I would call her my soul mate, I would even question what sort of love I held for her. I know everyone else on the friggin planet did about us but I do feel we are sisters in our hearts. So dear to one another. We are literally sisters. Always believing in one another. My heart soars when I see the Emily I know, deep inside my heart.
Two girls, pure at heart. wanting to share a kindness with the world and both our smiles light up this darkness here. And it's together we find a comfort that we've never known anywhere else. Because it's the sound of her laughter that life is simply okay, again. We are truly best friends and I will always remember those years of endless cheer. Through the fights and the tears, we built together a friendship of truth. I know now that even when I doubt, we truly have become strong together. And like we said to each other before, "Just remember that no matter what we love each other and never to doubt that." I don't. I don't doubt you, Emily. I am always so afraid to lose you. But that is not possible. I feel you in my heart. I feel all the one's I love, with me. By my side. Ever waiting for me to remember their love to share my own love for them. We are a family, we are not alone and the love we all share is boundless. It is endless, it is eternal. It is the freedom I've always searched for.
I remember asking myself, "By do I feel like I have to have it my way?" and my answer was, because you want to keep the bird caged. And that is why, I want my birdie to fly free. Just as I had done so with my own heart. It is time to release her to be all that she is without any expectation to love the hell out of that girl, no matter what happens between us. I'm not afraid like I used to be. We are eternal love. I am not afraid of her fears or my own. We are free. And I know that our love is sacred. No matter what it is she chooses or what I choose. Thank-you the God's that may be for giving me the gift of her friendship. I am happy to have ever lived with such people in my life. No. It hasn't been in my life it's been living IN my heart. It has fashioned hope right out of thin air.
I am in love with all of you. Thank-you, you sweetest hearts. I will always love you all. It's because of you all that I believe in miracles. And so, fly free, birdie's. Be who you are to be and remember that I eternally love you. No matter where your heart is led to.
She has the heart of a lion. No matter what happens, nothing will change her fierce loyalty, truth of the heart or the kindness of her being. Because she truly is a lion heart. My best friend. At times I would call her my soul mate, I would even question what sort of love I held for her. I know everyone else on the friggin planet did about us but I do feel we are sisters in our hearts. So dear to one another. We are literally sisters. Always believing in one another. My heart soars when I see the Emily I know, deep inside my heart.
Two girls, pure at heart. wanting to share a kindness with the world and both our smiles light up this darkness here. And it's together we find a comfort that we've never known anywhere else. Because it's the sound of her laughter that life is simply okay, again. We are truly best friends and I will always remember those years of endless cheer. Through the fights and the tears, we built together a friendship of truth. I know now that even when I doubt, we truly have become strong together. And like we said to each other before, "Just remember that no matter what we love each other and never to doubt that." I don't. I don't doubt you, Emily. I am always so afraid to lose you. But that is not possible. I feel you in my heart. I feel all the one's I love, with me. By my side. Ever waiting for me to remember their love to share my own love for them. We are a family, we are not alone and the love we all share is boundless. It is endless, it is eternal. It is the freedom I've always searched for.
I remember asking myself, "By do I feel like I have to have it my way?" and my answer was, because you want to keep the bird caged. And that is why, I want my birdie to fly free. Just as I had done so with my own heart. It is time to release her to be all that she is without any expectation to love the hell out of that girl, no matter what happens between us. I'm not afraid like I used to be. We are eternal love. I am not afraid of her fears or my own. We are free. And I know that our love is sacred. No matter what it is she chooses or what I choose. Thank-you the God's that may be for giving me the gift of her friendship. I am happy to have ever lived with such people in my life. No. It hasn't been in my life it's been living IN my heart. It has fashioned hope right out of thin air.
I am in love with all of you. Thank-you, you sweetest hearts. I will always love you all. It's because of you all that I believe in miracles. And so, fly free, birdie's. Be who you are to be and remember that I eternally love you. No matter where your heart is led to.
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