The quote has followed me everywhere today. I saw a hawk. And yet, I feel like for the first time in my life when it comes to romantic relationships I have literally no dreams left in them. They've all been used up. It's different now. I believe in love and I believe in having faith in others but it's hard to believe anyone will ever care about me half as much as he does. I maybe wish I could've been where he is so I could be with him. But after all, it does seem to be what is best for us both and I have always said that comes first in our relationship because I honestly love him. I wanted to give my heart to one person, in this life. I guess this is another lesson to learn but it makes it seem all more shallow then it felt like it was with all that. But another way to see it is we are all here to learn lessons here together. Love isn't compartmentalized into 'boyfriend' or 'sister'. Love is love whether you are in love or not. I will always love him and I know he will always love me.
I guess it just feels I may have made a big mistake that is going to hurt me but if it does I guess I had to go through it. I wish I could find a way to learn my lessons without having to get torn to shreds, first.
"The future belongs to those who believe in their dreams."
Now it's time to ask myself, what is my dream, when it comes to that? What am I looking for in someone? As a friend, as a lover? I think that is my next step towards living a healthier life. She said he'd forgive me. God, I pray he does.
-Ellie
No comments:
Post a Comment