Tomorrow is the beginning of my senior and I am hoping to do my very best this year, also while keeping my heart open and continuing toward my journey.
I felt that perception is a very important thing. I am used to always feeling powerless over things. 'It's the darkness that makes me feel this' or 'I am afraid because they don't believe in me' or 'if only I knew the truth I would be able to choose'. But, I see that I have to be the one to take full responsible of it.
Let's break this down simply. If someone says they do not believe in you and yet you still choose you believe in yourself then you are not affected by this. Now, if someone says they do not believe in you and you choose that you believe them then that means you do not believe in yourself. And the actual person who 'made' you not believe in yourself was yourself.
The truth about our existence is free will. It's not the darkness that 'makes' me feel this way, it's me. I chose to feel the darkness, whether I 'want' to or not. Now, when a person chooses to think disillusioned thoughts for a long time, they will obviously become a very disillusioned person and not be able to clearly see how very simple that is. I am not forced to believe anything, I choose what I believe. The ultimate truth is not truth unless I see it with my own personal truth.
It is important to not stop believing in oneself. When I believe in myself, I automatically believe in others because I see them as equal to me and believe they matter just as I do. I see them as sister's and brother's. When I do not believe in myself, I do not see them this way. It's like becoming a cancer. Just think if the cells of your body decided they didn't want to do what they were meant to do? That's cancer. Think if your arms decided they didn't want to stay still and attacked you or others?
In realizing that your higher self is God, then why would you not want to do God's will? You are actually doing your will which you are always doing. In realizing that God is love, then why would you ever hesitate to just be true self? God is in us all and so you can be touched by God through others. Why isn't it just one big person? I ask sometimes. I just always think of the scripture, "Man was alone, and this was not good." God went out of his way to point out that being alone is not good. Does anyone really have to have a good scientific reason right of the cuff to believe that? Isn't that something a person can trust their heart on? Being alone is sad and it almost feels lifeless. It's in those moments when out of two people's own will, they choose to love one another that freedom and true happiness is found. I have the choice every moment.
I want to take responsibility for that. Not GUILT myself. If I can choose to forgive myself and love myself then why condemn myself? That would be like a parent telling their baby they are worthless just because they fell down when trying to learn to walk. It is in making mistakes that we learn. The push to keep getting up is what makes the babies legs strong enough to walk. I believe that perfection is found in that moment the baby tries. Simple as that. Doesn't matter if the baby falls or stands. So keep trying, people. Strive onward and be willing to fall or mess up but keep believing. Taking responsibility so that you may be happy, prosperous. I DO believe in you all, I do. You know why? Because underneath all those doubts, pains, and things that make you feel like a failure, there is a beautiful child. This child does no want anything then to just be loved and love in return, and in this, there is peace, there is love. Because this child does cry, smile, and hurt like we all do but in its heart of heart it only feels care. I believe because I've seen this in everyone. We're not nothing, we matter. That's why I believe, because I choose to. And in choosing to believe, I know. You are all something WORTH believing in, that's why I do. So fall down, bump your head, hurt me. I don't want to stop believing in you, ever. My belief in you is my love for you. For me. My parents are my guardians of my heart and they have taught me the most important lesson of life, "Never stop believing." Because it's in that belief that one learns to fly and in that belief that one is free. There is nothing love cannot conquer, nothing love cannot do. If one could love enough, they'd be the most powerful person on the face of the earth. Love, is who we are.
Children of love, let's go home.
-Eli [for my friend, Cliff]
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