If You Still Believe

It's the fall that's constantly asks me again and again, "Are you sure this is what you want?" Every word I'd ever attested to and knew with my heart is truly showing its colors to me. Life does test you. The easiest place to be is in the grave. And just as I said before, you keep trying. No, it's not as desperate as before. Sometimes you do break and sometimes you do fall very far but it's the desire to keep coming back to your destination that truly matters.
I need to post more in my blog because it continually reminds me of my email, "The tests of change." I made this as my new email because this is what I knew was going to come for me. The tests of change. Whenever you want change in your life you have to be willing to work for it and tests will come continually. If I doubt then I will be asked, "Do you still believe?" What is my answer? "Do I still believe in love?"
Yes. And as I have stated once before many years ago, no just yes but HELL yes.
It's hard. It really is hard but work builds character and one thing I can say for sure is that I sure didn't just randomly decide this is what I wanted one day and poof, there it is. I want to be there for a friend, to console her and maybe be able to give her a helping hand and yet I can't give her the comfort of, "It's going to get easier." Because it doesn't, it actually gets harder as you go but somehow that's okay. Because it's like the harder it gets the more you are willing to fight. You believe more and more in love. You believe more and more in yourself and life. You really want to see this come to pass and you have your heart set on it. I know that we can all be diamonds perfected under pressure.
I am learning how to balance from the pressure because my body needs to stay strong and healthy while being able to focus on my studies, spiritual growth and relationships with others while not forgetting to have my break time and fun. Dad always said there is a time and place for everything, well I definitely believe that.
I do sometimes answer the question with, "Why is this so hard?! I'm putting my best effort in and I'm getting no benefit." But I feel as though...I don't know. I just can't give up on this path even though it is so very hard. I feel myself changing and I know this is what I've always dreamed of. Every chance I can, I try to up lift my attitude.
I just want to know that I actually am making a difference and not falling back into the same mistakes time after time. I have to remember that in my heart there is a true desire to honestly grow as a person and I AM doing the best that I can.
We've got it in us to make it through the things in life that seem impossible to bear. WE can make it. I know that there is a world within which contains every heartfelt moment and this is great bearer of our life happiness. We can always rely on this. I know the things that I do today will affect my future for all the days to come and I feel very grateful to myself. Because of this, my past will be free, my present free, my future, free. I AM free. I MUST, must remember the tests of change!!! That this may get difficult but I must remember that I am deeply loved, I am deeply love and that I have nothing to feel ashamed of. I am a great being of Love. I AM a great being of LOVE. This is my truth. And this is what I will place my sincerity in. Also, if I give up then I'll never get to know how this extremely interesting story ends. I used to always say to myself, "NEVER GIVE UP." But it's not like that now, it's more or less that at the end of the day I will get up again. Sometimes falling or placing all hope down is okay, ruin is sometimes the best way to find yourself again. That's where my faith comes in. Within myself, others and my higher power. I DO trust in myself, others and my higher power.
What is my wish? That you will never stop believing. I still believe you are the one. I still believe that love can fall from the sky for you. I will be waiting for you if you still believe in love. YOU are the one who has shared the sunlight with me. Will you allow me to do the same for you, my dearest friend? My wish for you is that you could see yourself the way I see you. It always has been and it always will be.


Ellie <3