So this is just something I had to write down. Okay, I've experienced deja vu before but tonight something happened that there truly is no explanation for. I could SWEAR that, that exact moment had happened before that the second it started happening I was saying everything that was going to happen in my head before it did.
I reasoned with myself that it was possible that it actually DID happen before and I was remembering something from before. The weird thing is, I felt like I could also remember that when it happened last time, I also had deja vu that time as well. As though it had happened many times before.
I've been getting stronger deja vu experiences, lately, actually. Used to I didn't have the feeling that I'd actually said out loud in my mind, "This has happened before." But now when I get it I clearly remember having said that before in my mind. But the weirdest things is it's not just similar scenarios but similar thought patterns followed by identical events.
The thing about tonight though was that I didn't remember having the same reaction as I did 'last time'. Saying in my mind what was going to happen before it did left me feeling bewildered and almost frightened. I know I didn't feel that last time.
This is what happened[and deja vu is rarely important events for me] - I am making this guys sandwich and Stephanie, my manager is already on the register. I hadn't clocked in yet because she was on the register. The man asks for a certain sauce and that's when it clicks in. The first thing I felt was, ah, here I am again and here's that feeling of dejavu AGAIN. Then I look to Stephanie knowing she is about to ask me if I had already clocked in. I tell her no, like I did last time. So then I know she is going to ask for my password. Last time I didn't quite expect it but this time I knew she was going to ask for it. So I tell her and she clocks me in. The deja vu disappears after that. I acted the same way as 'before' but I did not mentally react the same way.
Is it possible I just forgot an extremely similar scenario? Yes. Especially since I actually reacted different. BUT I only acted differently because I was so aware of what was going to happen. Before, I was just aware that I was feeling deja vu to what the man was saying. I don't know. It could just be my brain.
Though, I remember once getting deja vu from something that was written down by my friend and I know for a fact I had NEVER seen it before. Yet I was certain I had. I can't help but wonder what all of that is about.
-Liz
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Focus
Okay so I've come to a final conclusion about my lack of focus. I've desensitized myself over the years and I don't think this an uncommon thing for kids who could get away with it. I spent many hours on the internet or just thinking and thinking. There wasn't very much - here and now. I didn't want to think about here and now. Here and now didn't interest me.
This has caused me a lot of problems now that I do want to focus. It feels like I am trying to keep myself awake when my brain gets very easily tired and wants to fall back asleep. Certain parts of my brain like instinct and the part that obeys to orders being barked at it stay awake but it's almost as though a part of me easily falls back asleep and works on autopilot. Because I of this I see how it puts me at a great disadvantage.
Why haven't I planned anything out for my life so far? Because of this. And where I work only pushes on this more. I need focus and I will get it but when that other part of me falls asleep, there is an inner turmoil that wakes up. Because when that part of me falls asleep, all I want to do is stare into space and think. I can't do that while I'm working so I force myself to keep working. I get everything done and I always smile as a customer walks out, that's not the problem. It's within. Within I feel things I never want to feel. I ask myself if it's my fault for not taking my life more seriously until now. I haven't been paying attention to the world I have been living in with the focus that I now need and it's making things so much more difficult.
I can't blame myself, though. I still remember why I desensitized myself. I understand. I also forgive myself then and forgive myself now. I can be a bit of a perfectionist and that's hard with the job I'm working at.
I'm taking the steps toward growing up and I'm happy about it. I think there is fear within me to really start focusing on the here and now and to let go of my countless hours of pondering and self discovery. But there's only so much a person can discover about life if they don't truly live it.
Live life? Ah! What a novel idea!
Let's see where my lovely heart will bring me, this time. <3
-Elizabeth [a soul journey]
This has caused me a lot of problems now that I do want to focus. It feels like I am trying to keep myself awake when my brain gets very easily tired and wants to fall back asleep. Certain parts of my brain like instinct and the part that obeys to orders being barked at it stay awake but it's almost as though a part of me easily falls back asleep and works on autopilot. Because I of this I see how it puts me at a great disadvantage.
Why haven't I planned anything out for my life so far? Because of this. And where I work only pushes on this more. I need focus and I will get it but when that other part of me falls asleep, there is an inner turmoil that wakes up. Because when that part of me falls asleep, all I want to do is stare into space and think. I can't do that while I'm working so I force myself to keep working. I get everything done and I always smile as a customer walks out, that's not the problem. It's within. Within I feel things I never want to feel. I ask myself if it's my fault for not taking my life more seriously until now. I haven't been paying attention to the world I have been living in with the focus that I now need and it's making things so much more difficult.
I can't blame myself, though. I still remember why I desensitized myself. I understand. I also forgive myself then and forgive myself now. I can be a bit of a perfectionist and that's hard with the job I'm working at.
I'm taking the steps toward growing up and I'm happy about it. I think there is fear within me to really start focusing on the here and now and to let go of my countless hours of pondering and self discovery. But there's only so much a person can discover about life if they don't truly live it.
Live life? Ah! What a novel idea!
Let's see where my lovely heart will bring me, this time. <3
-Elizabeth [a soul journey]
Monday, January 23, 2012
The edge of my heart
I'm on the edge.
I kept seeing her face in my mind.
I kept feeling her pain, asking why she pulled the trigger. I kept wanting to take her hand in mine, I can't. She's not here, anymore. I know she still exists somewhere.
I think about everything I thought I knew and how much I really don't know. How sheltered I've always been. But I have been to hell and there was still something beautiful.
No matter how much I hurt, something screams of more. That which one thing I am sure of. I can either be sure of that truth in my heart or the world will give me a truth.
Belief - what is it? A foundation.
"Don't give up on love, and throw it all away."
I kept seeing her face in my mind.
I kept feeling her pain, asking why she pulled the trigger. I kept wanting to take her hand in mine, I can't. She's not here, anymore. I know she still exists somewhere.
I think about everything I thought I knew and how much I really don't know. How sheltered I've always been. But I have been to hell and there was still something beautiful.
No matter how much I hurt, something screams of more. That which one thing I am sure of. I can either be sure of that truth in my heart or the world will give me a truth.
Belief - what is it? A foundation.
"Don't give up on love, and throw it all away."
Friday, January 20, 2012
The Kingdom of Heaven isn't a lie
"There's only one power."
I was told I didn't have to believe, in fact that wasn't the point. I could say it as a question - as an 'what if' statement. See what came from it.
I watched Underworld tonight - full with action and darkness.
It helped me to feel the part of me that saw darkness as something beautiful in the first place. Darkness is this honest part of ourselves. Like many other things that we hide, lust and the end goes on and on.
When someone puts on something dark and publicly shows this darkness to the world, this is something I admire. I feel this breath of fresh air. It's an exclamation, "I exist." Darkness does exist. It's there within us all. Look around the world and you'll see it. A lot of people are quite accustomed to pain. I don't like pretending something isn't there when it is. We are ALL scared. We are ALL seething with are own darkness in one way or the other. Those people who step outside of the boundaries and are willing to admit it are just honest, to me. They aren't 'darker', if anything, they're 'lighter'. Wearing a smile on your face all the time doesn't mean your happy. Be sweet to others doesn't mean you genuinely care for them. Half of this life is spent masquerading about like idiots. What are we doing? That's why I will never be against self expression, even if at times it scares others. GOOD. Be scared. Isn't it scary that half the population is starving to death? Maybe then we can all wake up and DO something not just pretend it doesn't exist. It IS dark on this world and we are all crying out for love. I think it's good that there are people out there who show others what they won't look at themselves. If anything, that's the truest sort of love. It says to me, "Face your demons, face your fears. They aren't going anywhere just because you won't look at them. They only get stronger as you cower away in fear."
The warrior spirit in my reminds me of this, as well. Reminds me of my own strength within me that will light the heart for all of eternity. I don't see myself as special, I just see myself as Elizabeth.
When I smile, I want it to be real. When I laugh, I want it to come from the depths of me. When I look you in the eyes I want to truly see. No more pretense. The world is dying because of pretense. Here we are, the way we are and that's just as simple as it gets. Now what will we do about it?
If there's only one power - then now I see how healing can come from the darkest of places and hours. What was seemingly the hardest time in my life was also the best experience I've ever gone through. It woke me up. Haha! How does it go in AA? The first step to recovery is admitting I have a problem? Hmm - I think it may be time we admit we have a problem.
I can only truly speak for myself, I do understand that more now then before. And I see how important it is to me to stay true to myself and the message in my heart and soul. Sometimes the things I have to say may be uncomfortable but that isn't a good enough reason not to say it. Speaking my truth has the potential of saving lives and awakening souls - isn't comfort a worthy sacrifice?
"So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here."
The chains that bound us aren't from someone else around us. The chains exist only within the lies we sell ourselves out to. We aren't animals to be caged. We aren't robots to be programmed. We aren't fools to be manipulated. We are Children of God. Nothing can, nothing will change this because that is the very essence of who we are.
I was told I didn't have to believe, in fact that wasn't the point. I could say it as a question - as an 'what if' statement. See what came from it.
I watched Underworld tonight - full with action and darkness.
It helped me to feel the part of me that saw darkness as something beautiful in the first place. Darkness is this honest part of ourselves. Like many other things that we hide, lust and the end goes on and on.
When someone puts on something dark and publicly shows this darkness to the world, this is something I admire. I feel this breath of fresh air. It's an exclamation, "I exist." Darkness does exist. It's there within us all. Look around the world and you'll see it. A lot of people are quite accustomed to pain. I don't like pretending something isn't there when it is. We are ALL scared. We are ALL seething with are own darkness in one way or the other. Those people who step outside of the boundaries and are willing to admit it are just honest, to me. They aren't 'darker', if anything, they're 'lighter'. Wearing a smile on your face all the time doesn't mean your happy. Be sweet to others doesn't mean you genuinely care for them. Half of this life is spent masquerading about like idiots. What are we doing? That's why I will never be against self expression, even if at times it scares others. GOOD. Be scared. Isn't it scary that half the population is starving to death? Maybe then we can all wake up and DO something not just pretend it doesn't exist. It IS dark on this world and we are all crying out for love. I think it's good that there are people out there who show others what they won't look at themselves. If anything, that's the truest sort of love. It says to me, "Face your demons, face your fears. They aren't going anywhere just because you won't look at them. They only get stronger as you cower away in fear."
The warrior spirit in my reminds me of this, as well. Reminds me of my own strength within me that will light the heart for all of eternity. I don't see myself as special, I just see myself as Elizabeth.
When I smile, I want it to be real. When I laugh, I want it to come from the depths of me. When I look you in the eyes I want to truly see. No more pretense. The world is dying because of pretense. Here we are, the way we are and that's just as simple as it gets. Now what will we do about it?
If there's only one power - then now I see how healing can come from the darkest of places and hours. What was seemingly the hardest time in my life was also the best experience I've ever gone through. It woke me up. Haha! How does it go in AA? The first step to recovery is admitting I have a problem? Hmm - I think it may be time we admit we have a problem.
I can only truly speak for myself, I do understand that more now then before. And I see how important it is to me to stay true to myself and the message in my heart and soul. Sometimes the things I have to say may be uncomfortable but that isn't a good enough reason not to say it. Speaking my truth has the potential of saving lives and awakening souls - isn't comfort a worthy sacrifice?
"So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here."
The chains that bound us aren't from someone else around us. The chains exist only within the lies we sell ourselves out to. We aren't animals to be caged. We aren't robots to be programmed. We aren't fools to be manipulated. We are Children of God. Nothing can, nothing will change this because that is the very essence of who we are.
- Remain true to the heart.
- Look with open, honest eyes.
- Feel what you feel
- Be
- Do
- Trust
- Seek and ye shall find
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Unconditional
"I will always be true."
If someone asks me I think Jesus represented and why he came here I believe I would say this;
He came here to remind us how much beautiful we are and how loved we truly are. I believe he represents the lover of our soul. That constant spirit within us all that will always love us and believe in us. This realization helps us see why it's so easy to want to love each and every person. Because inside us all is that spirit, that little light.
The other day my mother told me that no one had ever loved her like I had. She told me that she could be herself with me and she knew that I would always accept her. She said she felt so blessed to have me in her life. All my life I had wanted someone to say this to me and mean it with all their being. I wanted so badly for someone to see this unconditional, passionate love burning within my core and to know that I'd always love them and always accept them.
The other day my mother made my dreams become a reality. Lately, she has been so happy and full of life. I've always wanted this for her, I've always hoped, dreamed and worked towards helping her towards this. I wanted to stay by her side because I saw this gorgeous mother of mine. God let me be an instrument of grace and for that I am forever greatful. Especially for the most beautiful woman in my life.
My mother called me her best friend. And all the while I knew it my heart it wasn't the 'separate' me. I was simply humbled by the experience because all I've been doing is trying my best to show her I care even when I'm annoyed or angry or just don't want to deal with anyone else. And life is showing me that my efforts pay off.
I am in such ecstasy in this moment. There is such bliss in the knowledge that this love is unconditional, this love is eternal and this is who I truly am.
This life is about falling in love with yourself all over again. A bashful bride taking the hand of their groom to the dance of love which is the symphony of our existence. Thank-you. Thank-you readers. Thank-you Spirit. Thank-you, Universe. Thank-you. I know I'm so very loved.
And I know that love is unconditional. That no matter what I say, what I do, where I go. You're gonna' be there. You're gonna' love me. Like I love you.
If someone asks me I think Jesus represented and why he came here I believe I would say this;
He came here to remind us how much beautiful we are and how loved we truly are. I believe he represents the lover of our soul. That constant spirit within us all that will always love us and believe in us. This realization helps us see why it's so easy to want to love each and every person. Because inside us all is that spirit, that little light.
The other day my mother told me that no one had ever loved her like I had. She told me that she could be herself with me and she knew that I would always accept her. She said she felt so blessed to have me in her life. All my life I had wanted someone to say this to me and mean it with all their being. I wanted so badly for someone to see this unconditional, passionate love burning within my core and to know that I'd always love them and always accept them.
The other day my mother made my dreams become a reality. Lately, she has been so happy and full of life. I've always wanted this for her, I've always hoped, dreamed and worked towards helping her towards this. I wanted to stay by her side because I saw this gorgeous mother of mine. God let me be an instrument of grace and for that I am forever greatful. Especially for the most beautiful woman in my life.
My mother called me her best friend. And all the while I knew it my heart it wasn't the 'separate' me. I was simply humbled by the experience because all I've been doing is trying my best to show her I care even when I'm annoyed or angry or just don't want to deal with anyone else. And life is showing me that my efforts pay off.
I am in such ecstasy in this moment. There is such bliss in the knowledge that this love is unconditional, this love is eternal and this is who I truly am.
This life is about falling in love with yourself all over again. A bashful bride taking the hand of their groom to the dance of love which is the symphony of our existence. Thank-you. Thank-you readers. Thank-you Spirit. Thank-you, Universe. Thank-you. I know I'm so very loved.
And I know that love is unconditional. That no matter what I say, what I do, where I go. You're gonna' be there. You're gonna' love me. Like I love you.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Who I am or who am I?
"True Love is for everyone, everywhere, always and forever. Such is the only love that liberates. All other, more limited and limiting versions are not love at all, but ego at a masquerade party."
I'm remembering my old nature. I found beauty within myself but I also could still see what I perceived to not like about myself. These things I also saw in other people but the problem was a lot of times I didn't see the beautiful as well. I saw them as separate from me in the way that I believed they just didn't care enough to care about themselves or other people.
I felt angry. I still feel the anger.
I fell back asleep in this life. And I blamed other people for it. For the pain I felt and the numbness. I still don't take responsibility for the fact that I, and only I, am responsible for my own feelings and experiences. I am affected by other people. Yet, I do have choice on how I want to live my life. I don't blame myself for blaming others, what was a young girl to do? But I am strong enough now to say to myself, "There's no one at fault here for what happened. You simply fell asleep. You've been dreaming of something that isn't truly there."
And eternal light cannot be extinguished, right? Then does that not mean that the others are also simply asleep from their true selves? Why hate them for this? Why hate them for something you have also done? But I know one thing that is for certain, I am not alone. There are so many people who ARE awake and doing the best they can to be true to who they are.
Whoever I end up loving, they will be worth this love, of that I also know. For the eternal flames in our hearts, I will strive to be true.
Peace, be still.
- Okay, before I write I'm going to sit here and roll my head back and forth a little trying to really 'feel' the authentic me. Haha! I'm trying to say that I want to be honest as I can be.
I'm remembering my old nature. I found beauty within myself but I also could still see what I perceived to not like about myself. These things I also saw in other people but the problem was a lot of times I didn't see the beautiful as well. I saw them as separate from me in the way that I believed they just didn't care enough to care about themselves or other people.
I felt angry. I still feel the anger.
- What I want to do with this blogging is bring my authentic self to the table and leave the rest up to my spirit to reveal to me my truth.
I fell back asleep in this life. And I blamed other people for it. For the pain I felt and the numbness. I still don't take responsibility for the fact that I, and only I, am responsible for my own feelings and experiences. I am affected by other people. Yet, I do have choice on how I want to live my life. I don't blame myself for blaming others, what was a young girl to do? But I am strong enough now to say to myself, "There's no one at fault here for what happened. You simply fell asleep. You've been dreaming of something that isn't truly there."
And eternal light cannot be extinguished, right? Then does that not mean that the others are also simply asleep from their true selves? Why hate them for this? Why hate them for something you have also done? But I know one thing that is for certain, I am not alone. There are so many people who ARE awake and doing the best they can to be true to who they are.
Whoever I end up loving, they will be worth this love, of that I also know. For the eternal flames in our hearts, I will strive to be true.
Peace, be still.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Unbroken
So it's been a little bit since I've had the time to sit down and make a post on my blog but I felt there was something I really wanted to say a few words about and what better place then here?
Recent grief has brought my into a reflective sort of place in which I've tried to decipher why I was gripping so hard onto past relationships and why I felt so heartbroken.
I've begun to notice when I get to the point of being 'heartbroken', I start being honest with myself about my feelings and my desires. "Yes, I love them dearly and I can't just forget that they ever mattered to me. I love them, for god's sake." And once I allow myself to speak this truth there is an immediate release, as though I am stepping back into the light. Love can make a person feel vulnerable but I think that's a lie of the delusional 'separate' self. The 'little me' that believes we can actually be hurt by something that is unconditional and requires nothing of us. I think it sheds light on the true self and a lot of the times we think that's something we have to protect.
I find myself thinking back on a conversation I had with a friend a few months back. We talked about how she was a very lighthearted girl until she began to be bullied and then it was as though her heart was broken and she needed to be on guard. For just a moment, hypothetically, lets say that it's impossible to hurt the true heart if it is nothing but love and that it's the building of these walls around it that actual hurt us. For a moment, let's say that the core of our being is in that heart center and that it is a burning flame of life which is eternally lit. The times that my friend was bullied, something in her believed the words she was hearing. Something within her perceived that because she was open and loving, she was hurt, that showing her heart made her vulnerable. It made her perceive her heart as a delicate and fragile thing in which she must protect or great pain would be inflicted on her. Now image her heart inside a square, glass box.
To protect herself she has cut herself off from her own life force and now see's herself as a separated person from other people and also begins living on a source of fear. It's those people who come into our lives and break us down that free us. Truly, it was never our heart that hurt us but the belief that our hearts could be broken. I am beginning to believe that our hearts are unbroken. They are invincible and nothing can put them out but when we cage them in a box then we can no longer be true to who we really are. We are cutting ourselves off from our direct source of life and love. So the people who come into our lives and leave us completely and utterly hurt and 'heart broken' are really people breaking the glass wall be have around our hearts so that the light can shine again. If a person leaves you feeling 'vulnerable' that's a good thing. That means you're feeling from your heart again and the walls have been taken down to something that is as gentle as a mother's kiss but stronger then fifty thousand men. It's is your source to God, the infinite, divine love. Which is unconditional and forever sustained.
Recent grief has brought my into a reflective sort of place in which I've tried to decipher why I was gripping so hard onto past relationships and why I felt so heartbroken.
I've begun to notice when I get to the point of being 'heartbroken', I start being honest with myself about my feelings and my desires. "Yes, I love them dearly and I can't just forget that they ever mattered to me. I love them, for god's sake." And once I allow myself to speak this truth there is an immediate release, as though I am stepping back into the light. Love can make a person feel vulnerable but I think that's a lie of the delusional 'separate' self. The 'little me' that believes we can actually be hurt by something that is unconditional and requires nothing of us. I think it sheds light on the true self and a lot of the times we think that's something we have to protect.
I find myself thinking back on a conversation I had with a friend a few months back. We talked about how she was a very lighthearted girl until she began to be bullied and then it was as though her heart was broken and she needed to be on guard. For just a moment, hypothetically, lets say that it's impossible to hurt the true heart if it is nothing but love and that it's the building of these walls around it that actual hurt us. For a moment, let's say that the core of our being is in that heart center and that it is a burning flame of life which is eternally lit. The times that my friend was bullied, something in her believed the words she was hearing. Something within her perceived that because she was open and loving, she was hurt, that showing her heart made her vulnerable. It made her perceive her heart as a delicate and fragile thing in which she must protect or great pain would be inflicted on her. Now image her heart inside a square, glass box.
To protect herself she has cut herself off from her own life force and now see's herself as a separated person from other people and also begins living on a source of fear. It's those people who come into our lives and break us down that free us. Truly, it was never our heart that hurt us but the belief that our hearts could be broken. I am beginning to believe that our hearts are unbroken. They are invincible and nothing can put them out but when we cage them in a box then we can no longer be true to who we really are. We are cutting ourselves off from our direct source of life and love. So the people who come into our lives and leave us completely and utterly hurt and 'heart broken' are really people breaking the glass wall be have around our hearts so that the light can shine again. If a person leaves you feeling 'vulnerable' that's a good thing. That means you're feeling from your heart again and the walls have been taken down to something that is as gentle as a mother's kiss but stronger then fifty thousand men. It's is your source to God, the infinite, divine love. Which is unconditional and forever sustained.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Know me and I am here.
Hello again, my blogger friends!
I probably will have to make this short since I'm going to be leaving for work in about five minutes but I wanted to say a few quick things. As you probably just guessed, I am now a working woman. I am working at Subway as of right now. It's hard work [no, it really is]. Not in the way that it challenges your brain much but it's very fast paced and that's a new experience for me. I come home feeling exhausted and sometimes even a little depressed but work is not even close to as nerve wracking as I thought it was going to be. I am working with friends whom I love which makes it much easier. Also, there is that benefit of earning a salary and the fact that I feel proud of myself for having a job. It's definitely not the job I want for the rest of my life but it's a start and I think it's a good growing experience for me. I am very thankful for it.
It's definitely made me more hungry for my spiritual life and so that's actually been something to motivate me to pray more and meditate more on my higher power. I've been having wonderful experiences at church with the new minister and today I even remembered something very important. Whenever I needed to speak with my higher power at the beginning of last year; it was only until I was certain that my higher power could hear me that I would maintain an ongoing conversation with it. It's as though the higher power is saying, "Know I'm there and I will be there." Though, I feel the higher power is always there, obviously. There is something monumental in believing.
Yet, I have still had results when I've just wholeheartedly tried but still had my doubts. It just seems there is a clear connection to God when I believe.
Rides here! Off to work!
Nemaste!
I probably will have to make this short since I'm going to be leaving for work in about five minutes but I wanted to say a few quick things. As you probably just guessed, I am now a working woman. I am working at Subway as of right now. It's hard work [no, it really is]. Not in the way that it challenges your brain much but it's very fast paced and that's a new experience for me. I come home feeling exhausted and sometimes even a little depressed but work is not even close to as nerve wracking as I thought it was going to be. I am working with friends whom I love which makes it much easier. Also, there is that benefit of earning a salary and the fact that I feel proud of myself for having a job. It's definitely not the job I want for the rest of my life but it's a start and I think it's a good growing experience for me. I am very thankful for it.
It's definitely made me more hungry for my spiritual life and so that's actually been something to motivate me to pray more and meditate more on my higher power. I've been having wonderful experiences at church with the new minister and today I even remembered something very important. Whenever I needed to speak with my higher power at the beginning of last year; it was only until I was certain that my higher power could hear me that I would maintain an ongoing conversation with it. It's as though the higher power is saying, "Know I'm there and I will be there." Though, I feel the higher power is always there, obviously. There is something monumental in believing.
Yet, I have still had results when I've just wholeheartedly tried but still had my doubts. It just seems there is a clear connection to God when I believe.
Rides here! Off to work!
Nemaste!
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