I was told I didn't have to believe, in fact that wasn't the point. I could say it as a question - as an 'what if' statement. See what came from it.
I watched Underworld tonight - full with action and darkness.
It helped me to feel the part of me that saw darkness as something beautiful in the first place. Darkness is this honest part of ourselves. Like many other things that we hide, lust and the end goes on and on.
When someone puts on something dark and publicly shows this darkness to the world, this is something I admire. I feel this breath of fresh air. It's an exclamation, "I exist." Darkness does exist. It's there within us all. Look around the world and you'll see it. A lot of people are quite accustomed to pain. I don't like pretending something isn't there when it is. We are ALL scared. We are ALL seething with are own darkness in one way or the other. Those people who step outside of the boundaries and are willing to admit it are just honest, to me. They aren't 'darker', if anything, they're 'lighter'. Wearing a smile on your face all the time doesn't mean your happy. Be sweet to others doesn't mean you genuinely care for them. Half of this life is spent masquerading about like idiots. What are we doing? That's why I will never be against self expression, even if at times it scares others. GOOD. Be scared. Isn't it scary that half the population is starving to death? Maybe then we can all wake up and DO something not just pretend it doesn't exist. It IS dark on this world and we are all crying out for love. I think it's good that there are people out there who show others what they won't look at themselves. If anything, that's the truest sort of love. It says to me, "Face your demons, face your fears. They aren't going anywhere just because you won't look at them. They only get stronger as you cower away in fear."
The warrior spirit in my reminds me of this, as well. Reminds me of my own strength within me that will light the heart for all of eternity. I don't see myself as special, I just see myself as Elizabeth.
When I smile, I want it to be real. When I laugh, I want it to come from the depths of me. When I look you in the eyes I want to truly see. No more pretense. The world is dying because of pretense. Here we are, the way we are and that's just as simple as it gets. Now what will we do about it?
If there's only one power - then now I see how healing can come from the darkest of places and hours. What was seemingly the hardest time in my life was also the best experience I've ever gone through. It woke me up. Haha! How does it go in AA? The first step to recovery is admitting I have a problem? Hmm - I think it may be time we admit we have a problem.
I can only truly speak for myself, I do understand that more now then before. And I see how important it is to me to stay true to myself and the message in my heart and soul. Sometimes the things I have to say may be uncomfortable but that isn't a good enough reason not to say it. Speaking my truth has the potential of saving lives and awakening souls - isn't comfort a worthy sacrifice?
"So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here."
The chains that bound us aren't from someone else around us. The chains exist only within the lies we sell ourselves out to. We aren't animals to be caged. We aren't robots to be programmed. We aren't fools to be manipulated. We are Children of God. Nothing can, nothing will change this because that is the very essence of who we are.
- Remain true to the heart.
- Look with open, honest eyes.
- Feel what you feel
- Be
- Do
- Trust
- Seek and ye shall find
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