For my Brother

There’s a place
Where you are
It’s in my mind
But I think it might still be real
If the past is the past
Should I let this place in me die?
If I am to walk away now
I want no regrets

This place
I can see your smile
The smile that danced in your eyes when not on your lips
I can also feel you hand on my shoulder,
As you tell me something encouraging
When you tell me, “I love you, Elizabeth.”
You pace a lot in this place
And you’re excited so you like to jump a little while you stride
You have the most beautiful conviction
Your eyes glow
With love, passion, determination, knowledge -
Life
I admire you in this place
But you aren’t always happy, determined or strong

Sometimes I see you cry
You cry for me, for you
For the world
Sometimes you get angry
You wish for things that are not
You’re not always nice either
You can be very honest
There is a lot of distance between us
Even in this place
Am I a small girl in this place?
Or a mother?
A lover?
A friend?
Am I your enemy or your sister?

I call to you…But this place isn’t real
It’s made of memories that no longer exist.
They are like dead stars
Still burning in the sky because time hasn’t caught up with the truth, yet
I am happy here….
You are here.

Why do I have to keep living here if it isn’t real?
This part of me that lives there doesn’t even realize what has happened
It’s gone. Those memories - they are ashes of something here once
It’s a dance of death
Everything is dying, you know
Even this heart, as we speak, is dying
Why should I try to hurry the process?
It’s a long, painful process…yes…but it’s special.
It’s beautiful…A glorious light burning
Burning, burning and burning out!
Let these tears dance with this pain
As the sorrows wash around my feet
I know a new world awaits
For with every death, there is a birth

He isn’t the Creator
But Spirit lives and breathes him
It lives and breathes me
I have no control
I am a heart beating out of it’s chest
The sunlight is golden and red
It’s shining on me
I am open as I die
I drown without fighting
I let the flood enter my lungs, crash through
Inevitability
It’s already happening now
I surrender

I am gone
I am a starlight that once burned
But time is still in the past
It doesn’t realize
I don’t realize
I’m already gone.
And I’m already here again

Birthed into light
It’s a never-ending story
Will I remember him, now?
This shadow won’t fade.
I can’t see him like this anymore
It’s time for me to give up this world’s view of truth

My brother
I see you
You stand with me
We aren’t alone, either
Everyone is here
We’re all standing dark in the light
Gifts in life
Nothing changes here
We’re all just standing here…holding hands…looking on
Into the light
It’s where we once were and
Where we will one day return

I love you
Always
Sincerely,
The one who still cries
As you walk away