Like a river, I feel hope flow through me.
Today, I wondered if I was being too lazy. I felt more needy then usual. I wanted to lay around me. Maybe it was just 'super relaxed'. But it felt off. I wanted to be more in the game and I honestly felt kinda' lost. Almost as though I were just drifting. The things is this is how I used to live. Drifting.
I didn't get to go to church tonight so I pulled off in my room. Tears spilled as I prayed for insight. I looked to my mama, that moon. I could hear her telling me to listen to my heart. To really hear.
It was telling me that these tears fell because I loved. I know that I am fulfilled, I know that I am happy. I know that I am free, filled with integrity, inspired, inspiring. I am brave and truthful. I am everything I have ever wanted or needed to me.
I heard myself say, "But wasn't I supposed to see beautiful colors and leave the restraints of my body? Wasn't I supposed to hear soft, beckoning music or listless pleasure come over me."
Then I saw it, it wasn't needed. In this simple place of serenity that I found there was all that I would ever need. A still but wonderful place. A place where hope is born and where it lives. This place is deep within all our cores and once you find it you realized that it's not about asking, "What can I do to fulfill myself but what can I do to fulfill others?" Because you are already full of everything you need to be happy. You ARE happy. There is no waiting, there is no tomorrow. It's true. You are loved and you are accepted unconditionally. You will always be able to live your true dreams and nothing can destroy you. There is nothing to fear and we are already becoming loved. It's seeing that truly all we are doing is undoing the unuseful ideas we once had and learning to live a life free.
It's there, for us all. Just waiting with a patient and soft smile. Mama and papa, sister and brother, grandpaw and grandmaw, cousins and lovers, friends and trouble makers who were the best thing to happen to us. It's there within all of these people. Waiting, waiting. To show us our true colors.
"In every color, there is a light.
In every stone, sleeps a crystal.
Remember the shaman when he used to say,
'Man is the dream of the dolphin.'"
For once in all my years, I feel a peace because I am home. This is my home. And I know why I want so badly to be a light because I want other people to feel this truth, as well. To feel this light within their own hearts and see there is nothing to fear. That the whole universe is waiting to show us many wonderful things! We are part of a miraculous living. We are part of Love.
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