I wanted to post something tonight about enjoying all the little things in life. Before I took my shower tonight I prayed that I'd always cherish my life. Even if it were a short moment in the shower with lit candles and classical music dancing about in the room with me. These moments make me smile from the bottom of my heart and I feel that this is one of the most important things. To truly love yourself through your own life. Life is greatest form of artwork. Flowers seems to hold no real purpose but we adore them for their smells and their beauty. This shows the creativity of God. That there will always be a reason to just enjoy life. This is meaningful. It's important to have fun and enjoy every moment.
Even if all my goals aren't completed today, I won't live with regrets if I just love my day to its fullest and take the small steps I can, one at a time.
We've all got flowers inside of us and within each petal is a virtue that we want to share. But flowers need water to grow and without passion, joy or love, how can are hearts ever flourish?
Listening to music has brought me to a really wonderful conclusion. It speaks with my heart and takes all those little feelings inside of me and weaves this beautiful quilt of emotion and creativity together, making me dance without even meaning to. I really do love classical music for it's dedication to music. There is nothing but the music.
When I see that happiness is so close to me always I see that what I've always been fearing was not some far off source but me. It couldn't be possible for me to be this happy. It's childlike in feeling and I remind myself that I've seen more to life. But I've begun to realize that what I saw wasn't the truth. It was fear itself. And this has swamped my light. But it's always there. Waiting for me.
I remember the feeling I get when I am with the one's that I love. How every smell or sense becomes ingrained in my memory with them and just this simple sense can bring me a sense of love, comfort. I remember saying to myself..."But this is all too good to be true. This is EVERYTHING I ever wanted." And then I remember my first true love and that he taught me this is what love is all about. Love is everything you desire and it's real. It will never abandon you but it won't mess with your free will. I have to wonder why the universe would desire something like this for me. Why the universe would always me to happy. Life would have to love me. "Something truly loves you." I heard that so much when I was in that place. But what if life really does love us.
I also realized that no matter what you believed there were certain things that could bring every man together. Music, no matter the language can be felt with the heart. Whether a man be simple or complex, love is something both can cherish. Things of the heart, of the spirit bring us all together. Even if you don't see it in an esoteric way. In fact, I don't think it's really beneficial to change it into this really strange thing. It is what it is. Whether you believe in magic, whether you don't believe in anything at all. It's the foundation of what we are and we can all hold of it. This is something I want to always remember. This is a truth written deeply in me. I want this life to always be something very true to me. I know I enjoy the fantastical things of life but the most beautiful to me has always been unwavering, true.
I guess sometimes I don't want to believe in the things I do because I don't want to always feel comfortable like my brother said. If a baby felt comfortable in her mother's womb forever and was just expected to jump out whenever she felt ready, would she? I think this is how life is. We are slowly but surely being born. And sometimes life can bring this really big chaos storm and it can be VERY painful and/or frightening but it's trying to lead us in the right direction back towards the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't think I have to worry about getting to comfortable. In fact it's weird because I find that I am more useful when I AM feeling true happiness. Not the cliche, happy go lucky, but true unbridled happiness or passion. I don't even want to stay in my old ways without compassion and just worried about silly little things but getting nothing done. It's when I am not appreciating life that I feel world weary and don't want to face anymore. That I even CARE about comfort. There is nothing wrong with inner peace. That security is a good one to have. It's faith in oneself. Comfort if faith in reality and that you can sleep comfortably without it being threatened. There is nothing wrong with have comfort and security of the heart. Even if you are upset, this is a beautiful comfort. A true comfort. Falling asleep in the womb when you should be focusing on being born is unhealthy.
I'd like to remain awake and enjoy the ride!
Tomorrow I will be preforming the role of Sarah and it will be my last week at the American Village. I'm very excited and will try to do my best. It's all I ever can do. :]
Good night world and everyone, sweet dreams. It's a lovely night.
-Eli
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