I have not been on my blog in a little while but I have been very busy. I only have eight weeks of school left and quite a lot of math to finish up. My teacher is the kind of teacher that would probably pass me either way just because I participate so much in class and am very attentive to what she is doing but I truly want to pass because of my own good credits.
Not to mention I have still been working through many different internal things as in things of the 'ego' and things from my past that carried over through out my 17 years of life. I am just now being able to have strength and courage to look these things in the eyes and begin to slowly work towards a change in heart, mind, soul and attitude.
I have been making new encounters with old friends and new one's. I seem to be making a bigger impact on their lives then I ever have and I really am feeling rejuvenated by it. The love and happiness that flows through me whenever I am true to who I am, when I am true to God; I can't explain but I get teary eyed just thinking about it. This is what I've always dreamed about. That's what I can best describe this as, a dream come true.
I am about to go to my friend Skye's house and spend the night with her but I am being blessed by my monthly gift that mother nature gives us and feeling a bit ill humored, just slightly. The biggest problem I am having is problems with patience, right now. Everything can easily make me impatient. lol Let's just hope I can be patient with Skye because she is kind of stressful at times when it comes to the way she communicates. But if I am laid back, there should be no problems. I only hope it will be a good time for her as it is for me and that her mother will be glad to see me again. I really do like her mother.
I'm hoping to get more chances to write down in my blog and speak my thoughts, what I'm going through and whatever else I need to because I do believe that is important for me to do.
I am excited about life and I believe that I will only continue to progress. I can feel it in my soul, things are going to shift for us all. Something good is on our horizon, even if our eyes can't perceive it for what it really is. But I still feel there is much I must work through because the hurt that I carried for so many years without ever being able to change has grown into something strong within me.
But what if...even when we can still feel the pain in our own hearts, it doesn't break us down. And yet, instead we can let it go, we can still smile.
"Eyes that have seen much pain but haven't been broken by it." This quote has stuck with me for years. It always made me think about a woman who wasn't destroyed by the pain that she felt but yet it softened her towards others and only paved the way for more love to come into her heart. A strength, a beauty that shines throughout a person.
It made me think of the moon, it made me think of my mother. It had always been something that I'd wanted to be. Someone who could shine like the moon no matter the darkness I shine light upon. I wanna' still be able to see the light when it doesn't seem it still exists. See it with my heart, with my soul. Because I know the truth. The tests of change are a part of life and I know they will come and I know I will be faced with more. But I also know more joy is on it's way, more wonderful things.
I know my life will and always has been, enriched and entangled in love, even when I couldn't see it or feel it. To everyone that has been here for me, I love you so dearly and I think of you every night before I go to sleep. Peace unto you all.
"In You where the hungry feast at the table
The blind frozen by colors in view
The lame will dance, They'll dance for they are able
And the weary find rest
Oh the weary find rest in You"
Eli
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