Timelines

I guess it's a Holiday thing that makes you reflect. Some of is nostalgic and some of it is just simple reminiscing.
"Time can take it's toll on you when you least expect it. It's okay to take it slow."
"Don't forget to smell the roses. Enjoy every part of your life."

Well, I know my old life really is washing away and I can't help but feel a little nostalgic. Old habits, old friends, old beliefs - it's all changing in a way it never has before.

Sometimes it feels like time moves to fast. How can it be that I've only been alive 18 years? And yet it also feels like I've only been here for a flash. Time has to be an illusion because it's moments like this that I can't even comprehend it.
I guess it has taken its toll on me when it comes to the way relationships shift.

She's moving somewhere new. I'm still here. She's changed, too. We still love one another, that doesn't change. I got caught up with my life and there wasn't any space for our friendship then I wake up and we're farther then we've ever been and there's nothing I can do to change it. It is what it is. She is who she is and I am who I am. I know it had to happen and made it easier to let her go but I do feel scared. I don't want to imagine not seeing her face or hearing her voice. I don't want to stop hearing her laughter or her nudge on my shoulder. She has been my friend since we were little girls.
I'm gonna' miss her like hell. Of course, I have always known this day would come, that doesn't make it that much easier emotionally though. I did cherish the moments we had together, I always will. It's just scary to live now where she won't be there like she used to be. It's time for me to let her go and I hate it.
'They' say that if you truly love something, let it go because that way it can be free. I want her to be free and to be joyful.

She's not the only one who isn't here anymore. In an instant everything I've ever known was changed. It felt like I had so much safety around me, so much security and the next thing I know my life isn't the same life I knew two seconds before. Mom told me it was at the beginning of the year that all the stuff happened the other day. It felt like just a couple of months. I've already made new friends during that time period. So much has changed just during those months. A part of me feels like I am on fast forward and I just need to slow down. I guess maybe that's why I'm looking at the past.

It scares me for life to just change and things to simply change that I've loved and held sacred as if they were always just a season.

I've been sitting at home not doing very much lately. I do want to get my license and get out there. It's probably not helpful for me to be sitting around here not having anywhere to take my mind off of these thoughts of mine. I want a meaningful life so damn badly that I probably stress my body out too much. I really have had some beautiful times in my life and I think that's why I miss them even more. I just don't want them to disappear as if they never happened. I wonder if I'll forget these days and it'll be as if it never happened.

I do think there is no such thing as time because right now is the only thing I feel like I really am part of. The future always seemed like a hopeful [or hopeless] dream to me. And the past is a memory of a person I no longer am. That's why I don't think reincarnation is such a weird idea. I feel like I am born and reborn all the time.

It's hard to believe that some things can end. But love doesn't. What about fear? Can that end? Will that end for me? For others? I think I may be too tied down by the past. But if a person forgets their past then how can they still keep what they've learned from it?

This is where I step back and humbly wait for guidance because I need rest and it won't get me anywhere to slave over it for hours.

Nemaste
-Elizabeth