Exhaustion and desires~

I feel very sluggish today. I did my work but I still felt tired all day and my lungs were hurting like crazy. But, I do see things a bit differently. I think I can be too hard on myself about things that are just simply 'flaws' of my personality. I have a strong personality and sometimes it gets the best of me. I mean, I still try and I feel I am compassionate towards other beings but I'm not always ready to jump on board of being understanding but I will force myself to. I was actually feeling very accomplished last night after writing the blog. I had a lot of clarity and I was feeling very intuned with myself but today I'm questioning a few things, haha! Which can be good to do but  not to where you can't move forward at a good rate. I want a day when I don't think so much, a day when I'm feeling connected and I just move forward. This is one of those low moments well I am feeling a bit of anxiety. I wish I would post more when I'm doing really well so I can look back on that later and not read over a bunch of posts that would maybe bring my mood down. But I'm going to be open with myself about what is going on and yet continue to try and move forward. I am willing to admit how I feel and I am also willing to change my perspective. Considering I'm so tired, though, it's not changing very fast. I need rest and hopefully good decent night's rest will restore me. This, I do hope. I also hope I have eyes to see the truth about things and not get washed up into something that completely brings me off track. I'll just have to see if my energy stays so low. Anyway, I've been 'seeing' stuff stronger lately. Either because I'm so sleepy or things are really changing for me. My lungs have been hurting but it almost feels emotional and I don't know what it is. It's sharp and I don't feel that there is anything bothering me THAT badly. I feel like I'm in a tug of war sometimes. What do I trust and then I pledge my trust and then I falter. I've always wanted to be able to stick to a decision but I feel different once I think something new has been revealed to me and I don't want to stop growing. I plan to keep moving forward on the path I am going though and be open to other one's along the way without being too careless. I REALLY, really do want to do something with this precious life that has been given to me and I just pray beyond everything else that I will be able to. That I will have the chance at the end of my life to feel truly loving towards myself. I just know I shouldn't think that one thing or the other will make me stop accepting myself. This is very important to me. To be there no matter what and to believe my family, friends and God will be there, too. No matter what. Because that's what unconditional love is.

-Eli