Struggles with myself~Faith

So today when I sat for silent listening from God I felt that my intention today should be faith. Faith in myself, faith in other people, faith in God and faith in the universe. Which I've done well with, I believe today. But at some point I felt a little off and it's just grown from there. I had a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful meeting with Pat and it really felt like a divine meeting as she put it. She gave me some books to reading and I am reading the first one. Now, while I am very interested in it already, there is a part of me that is kind of hesitant to believe everything in there. I think it's important for me not to think I have to accept something as the truth 100% and I just hope Pat doesn't expect that of me. I mean, I don't know for sure if that is the truth or not and even Buddha said that you should not accept anything as truth, even what he has said, unless it sits right with your own heart and knowledge. I do want to stay open minded though and I believe elements of the truth can come in many different forms. But I don't want to lose my own truth in the midst of all of that. I guess it's exhausting always feeling like I can't believe half of the things I read or see. It just feels kind of lonely. But I am happy that I am having another world shared with me and I think that's really how I should see it and always how I should see it. I am happy to explore new world's and possibilities. I have the natural desire to want to just be able to accept one thing as truth but my inner self doesn't like that because then it stops being about MY truth but some ultimate truth and I'm only me, afterall. So if something isn't jiving with MY truth and I accept it as ultimate truth and overall my heart feelings it really messes with me. I need to remember this. This is about my growing and learning and exploring. I should treat it as such. I still have other avenues in which I am growing and learning and searching. When I see it this way, I feel excited! And I can't wait to see what will happen next. I really am not in a bad place in my life but I feel it much more strongly now whenever I get out of wack with myself. But when I'm not I feel very intuned and open. I am thankful for this and I do want to focus on having more faith in ME, loving me, believing in me and remembering that after all is said and done, I am responsible for me and only me and my actions. I have some doubts still that feel like they hold me back, I should say it honestly though. I am the one that keeps listening to them and going back to them. I'm not beating myself up over this but feeling it for what it is. I've got to be willing to keep my heart and mind open to my truth if I want to live by my truth and follow my guidance from God. I will work harder and BE. With hard work and a little luck, anything can be accomplished. :]
- Eli