Yesterday was a sweet and wonderful awakening for me. Sitting in my room, praying before bed, I felt my heart open up and I found myself full of confidence. I stand and say outloud, "I am so thankful. Thank-you God." Tears streaking my face, I smile through tears, "Thank-you for the pain you've blessed me with in this life. For this room and every moment I've lived through. For so long I had prayed and prayed for anything but this and yet here I am saying I am thankful for it. If it had not been for these pains, I would've never been able to look anyone in the eyes and say without a doubt, 'Fear has no dominion over me. I KNOW who I am.' I didn't need angel wings to burst from my back or for a prophet to land on the earth and tell me I was the chosen one. I didn't need ANY of those things. In fact, it was in the depths of my despair that I found myself. It was in the moment that I believed there was nothing left of me that I remembered myself." With my heart filling it's fullest and filling like I was truly in another state of existence, the realization finally fell upon me in one glorious moment. "Nothing can change me, nothing can break me because no matter what position I'm put in this truth in my heart has and always will be unchanged. This feeling that has always made me believe...This feeling is who I really am. This feeling is love. Because who I really am is love." And then I knew it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Once while I was in the state that I was in my higher self told me, "Soon you will understand what it means to really be you." And I did. I always had. Love. I looked to the plack on the wall that I'd put there...Believe. I came here to believe and I do feel so grateful because I can honestly said that Love is my only truth and that nothing can destroy it because I will not give up on it. I will believe in my dreams and I found myself asking, "So then, what is my purpose here for the other's on this planet? Can I share with this, this realization as well? How will I do that?" And this was my only response but I understood with my heart, Be yourself, Elizabeth. And then my cat came into my room and I played with her and I saw that this was all that I needed to do. Love other beings and to enjoy myself along the way. To have fun always and never to forget to smile or show beings that I love them and that they are precious to me.
So today I hung out with my friend Ashley and then when I came home I just read manga all day and didn't do anything else. It was my balance. I've been working, thinking all week so today I just relaxed. I do want to do some work before the day ends, though. But it gave me time to reflect on other things.
I was thinking about when you love someone and that it had always been what I thought. That someone can be the best person in the world to everyone else but that's not why you love them...Or better yet, we're all diamonds, you know? Some people have yet to realize it but I can almost always see it in people even if it's supposed to be hidden and I've met men who were so brilliant to me. And even then, why was it that my heart was never there's? For me it's never about how brilliant we are in the sense of what we can do or how brightly our hearts shine...It's just simply who we are. That's what you fall in love with. A man simply is in love with the girl whether she has the confidence and radiance of the moon or if her tears won't stop falling and her heart is a prison of thorns, he loves her. He simply loves her. And she simply loves him. And in this, no matter how they are or what is happening, they will always love each other this deeply and see the beauty in them.
Two beings looking at one another and in doing so find no fault within each other in their both equal perfection
Perfection is not what we think it. You'll perfect when your heartbroken and sobbing, snot dripping from your nose or you lose that big chance at your job or maybe you really blow it with the one's you care about. You're still perfect and there is someone out there who knows that. I believe that. About every body and I believe falling in love with somebody is quite like that. Like two people who are always there to help open their hearts back open again. That's what it's been for me. The doors that opened me to this awakening.
Thank-you
~Eli
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