The truth

I remember when dealing with paranoia with lies, manipulation or other people trying 'to get the best of me' I was constantly keeping my eyes open. I knew if someone were to trick me this would be bad news. I never realized that it was a terrible fear of mine. Because how could I possibly be wise and intelligent enough to outsmart everyone?! If someone really wanted to get the best of me they could. I realized that it was possible that they could be doing it at this very moment. It got to the point where I felt I couldn't even trust myself until finally...here and now. I asked myself, "Why does this make so afraid? Say they do succeed, so what? You'll get back up." And then it hit me, "Because then I'll be the fool who fell for it." I never want to be the fool, the one who doesn't see what is coming for them. But guess what? We're all 'foolish' sometimes. It's part of growing and letting my pride get in the way is not helpful at all with growth. It's takes true confidence to be able to be completely manipulated and made a fool out of but then get back up and continue to believe in yourself and believe in your own worth. No one can take away your truth. And if your truth is that you are worth your own love then even if you fool yourself you'd be willing to forgive yourself and get back up. Because life is growth and change. It's not going to be easy if you don't flow with it, though. And holding yourself up to this terrible moment with fear is not the only way to learn. I want to remind myself of that.

-Eli